Unspoken Truths: Reflections on Healing, Growth, and Becoming

Holding grudges is a heavy assignment, and the truth is, it often takes more energy to stay angry than it does to seek peace, understanding, or release. Sometimes we become so committed to our hurt, disappointment, and anger that we forget that our perspective is only one perspective. It may be valid, but it is not always complete. When you genuinely care about someone you have an issue with, maturity invites you to pause long enough to consider that while you may be hurt, they may be hurt too. It never ceases to amaze me how relationships, friendships, kinships, and situationships can end with one person convinced that they never contributed to the fracture. But what if the person who stayed, forgave, overlooked, and kept showing up was not weak? What if they were choosing grace, saw your humanity beyond the offense, and understood that who you are at your core is bigger than the temporary stain of what you did? Sometimes people don’t cut you off, stop speaking, or hold your offense over your head because they are trying to love you through your imperfections. Sometimes they are choosing not to let one moment define the whole relationship and that kind of grace should never be mistaken for permission to keep wounding them. Forgiveness does not mean pretending it did not hurt, that there are no consequences or that there will be reconciliation. Forgiveness means refusing to let bitterness build a home in your spirit. A grudge may feel like power, but it often becomes a prison that smudges your peace, your perspective, your joy, and sometimes even your ability to recognize the people who truly loved you through your mess. Before you hold on too tightly to the offense, ask yourself: Am I protecting my peace, or am I polishing my pain? Am I seeking clarity, or am I committed to being right? Grudges leave marks, and sometimes the deepest smudge is not on the person who hurt you, it’s on you.

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

“Learn to forgive those who have hurt you, because resentment only chains the soul and keeps you from being free.”—Bob Marley

Who AM I In Relationships?

Sometimes the most important relationship question isn’t Do I love and care for them? but What role am I actually playing in their life?Am I building a partnership, or have I quietly accepted the position of permanent rescuer? Am I in a relationship, or am I managing a full-time 12-step program with no graduation date in sight? Am I building with someone, or am I carrying someone? Am I creating a healthy partnership, or am I financing, fixing, facilitating, and problem-solving my way through someone else’s adulthood? Am I choosing a partner, or am I adopting a project? Am I being loved, valued, and considered, or am I simply being relied upon because I make life easier, they’re bored, or I’m the back up plan and not the priority? Am I sharing the load, or have I become the load-bearing wall holding everything together while the other person leans? Am I helping someone to build a future and chase their dreams, while postponing my own? Dependency is costly and there’s a difference between helping someone through a difficult season and taking responsibility for their life. Love should not require one person to become the entire infrastructure of another person’s life. The real question is not whether you are willing to help, but whether the relationship can stand if you stop carrying it! If your absence would create the demise of the relationship because the other person isn’t carrying their responsibilities, it may be time to ask yourself, Am I loved for who I am, or valued for what I provide? Know yourself to grow thyself!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

“The one who loves the least, controls the relationship."

– Robert Anthony

WHO Are You?

Many people stay in relationships, friendships , kinships, and situationships because they love the other person. Love alone cannot sustain a relationship that lacks mutual effort. Make sure you pay attention to the who’s WHO in your life… WHO checks in? WHO makes time? WHO prioritizes the relationship? WHO repairs after conflict? WHO notices when the other person is struggling? WHO pours back into the one WHO is constantly pouring out? The healthiest relationships create space for BOTH people to feel valued, desired, supported, heard, and considered on a regular basis and not just calendared when convenient for ONE party!

1John 3:18

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

“Allegiance, after all, has to work two ways; and one can grow weary of an allegiance which is not reciprocal.”

-James Baldwin

Love Was Should NEVER Be a One-Person Job

One of the greatest relationship mistakes people make is confusing commitment with carrying the entire weight of the relationship. A healthy relationship requires reciprocity and will NEVER be perfect, should not involve scorekeeping, and unfortunately will NOT be a constant 50/50 split. There will be seasons when one person gives more because life demands it. Illness, grief, career transitions, family obligations, and personal struggles can and will temporarily shift the balance. When imbalance becomes the permanent pattern, resentment can become the unwelcome sidepiece in the relationship.

When both people are invested in the well-being of the connection, the relationship can thrive.

One person should not always be the initiator, communicator, planner, forgiver, encourager, problem solver, and emotional caretaker. Eventually, the person doing all the giving begins to feel less like a partner, and more like an employee working an unpaid overtime shift.

1 Corinthians 13:4

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.”

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu

The Beginning You Want May Require the Ending You Fear

Many people stay connected to people, places, principles, patterns, and positions long after their purpose in their lives has expired. We remain in churches, organizations, careers, relationships, friendships, kinships, and situationships simply because they are familiar, even when the familiar has become uncomfortable, draining, unhealthy, or emotionally suffocating. Familiarity does not always carry purpose and comfort can sometimes be aligned with chaos! Too many people are emotionally imprisoned by the fear of the unknown while quietly suffering inside what no longer works. We convince ourselves to stay because it’s anticipated, foreseen, predictable, and likely . We tolerate dysfunction because at least we know what to expect, but growth often requires separation from what no longer aligns with who you are being and becoming. Protection, preparation, and permission to choose yourself may come in the form of a closed door that you classify as punishment instead of promotion, promise, and progress. Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you shackled to the familiar of what’s cracked crushed, and crumbled. Some of you are praying for elevation while holding onto stagnation, asking for peace while remaining loyal to chaos, and begging for clarity while clinging to confusion. Your greatest blessings may be waiting on the other side of that very goodbye that you keep postponing. Sometimes closure is the beginning and the ONLY way to begin, is to end because “The Beginning You Want May Require the Ending You Fear”!

Mathew 7:7

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

“Realize that if a door closed, it’s because what was behind it wasn’t meant for you

“-Mandy Hale

Boundaries Require Actions Not Announcements

Sometimes the strongest people in the family are carrying the heaviest emotional load in silence. The caregiver, the fixer, and the listener that everybody calls on when life falls apart. But even caregivers get tired. Many people have been conditioned to believe that setting boundaries requires permission, explanations, long conversations, or approval from others and it doesn’t. Boundaries don’t need to always be verbal and sometimes look like no longer overextending yourself to save people who refuse to save themselves. Setting boundaries is an action item and choosing not to answer every call that drains you and no longer sacrificing your mental health to keep peace for everyone else. Boundary setting is understanding that being family does not give people unlimited access to your time, energy, finances, or emotional capacity. Caregivers often carry guilt when they finally choose themselves because they’ve spent so much time being needed, that they’ve forgotten that they deserve to be cared for too. You can love people deeply and still say “no” and “enough is enough”. You can support others without abandoning yourself and be compassionate without becoming emotionally consumed. Protecting your peace is not selfish, it’s self preserving. Sometimes the healthiest boundary is the one that you stop announcing and start demonstrating.

Galatians 6:5

“For each will have to bear his own load”

“NO is not a cuss word” -Dr. Adrienne

Who Influences You?

When you were born, you were a clean slate. Every belief, idea, value, and thought that you received came from someone, somewhere. As an adult, you must decipher which beliefs you now carry and whether you carry them because you were taught to or because you believe them. Unhealed individuals are at risk of allowing the influence of other people’s lives to become the blueprint for theirs. “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” (Malcolm Forbes). People are becoming emotionally exhausted trying to maintain an image they haven’t emotionally healed enough to sustain. Behind some of the loudest online personas are people silently battling insecurity, loneliness, anxiety, comparison, and emotional emptiness. Everything meaningful does not have to be posted and everything posted may not be meaningful. Every success does not require an audience and every healed moment doesn’t require an announcement. Sometimes the strongest growth happens quietly, so protect your peace more than your image. Social media provides a stage for people to announce things before they have processed them, compare more than they reflect, perform more than they heal, and confuse obsession and attention with authenticity. Ego craves to be seen while envy resents what is seen in others. Both will drain your mental and emotional health if you are not grounded in who you truly are. Stop allowing curated lives to influence your self-worth. The danger is not just in watching other people, it’s in slowly losing yourself while trying to keep up with them, duplicate their life, or assume their identity by trying to do what they do and become who you think they are. Heal enough to live your own life authentically instead of on someone else’s life stage. Remember everyone that gives you the public thumbs up isn’t really your friend, may not approve of you, and may NOT like you! Your validation of yourself should always be more valuable than a public stamp of approval, an opinion, an acknowledgement, or a thumbs up.

Galatians 6:4

“But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.”

“You are valuable simply because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” —Max Lucado

Is Your Ego Your Identity?

Social media has blurred the lines between healthy pride and ego that’s on a stage for full display. The most exhausting role to play is someone you’re pretending to be. When social media came along for many it fed the ego, but starved the soul providing a platform for many unhealed individuals to shine a spotlight on their created persona vs their real unhealed self!

There is nothing wrong with being proud of your growth, healing, hard work, or accomplishments. But now we live in a culture where visibility is mistaken for value, attention is confused with validation, and performance is being misrepresented as peace.

Life seems to be less about experiencing joy and instead about posting it as proof of it.

When your self-worth becomes dependent upon likes, views, comments, followers, or being perceived as “winning,” your mental health will constantly fluctuate based on public opinion. Ego needs to make sure that you’re seen, while healthy pride doesn’t care whether you’re seen or clapped for or not. Ego needs constant validation while pride values personal growth. Ego becomes defensive when challenged, while pride remains teachable. When who you are requires you to take the stage and perform, peace becomes difficult to maintain because you’ll always be concerned about the next costume change! The healthiest thing you can do for you is to learn to separate your VALUE from your VISIBILITY.

John 5:31

“If I alone bear witness about myself, my testimony is not true.”

“More the knowledge lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge more the ego." Albert Einstein

Words Build AND Destroy Relationships

Words have power and are usually a reflection of what is going on inside of the speaker's life. It is comfortable to "blame" others for our word choices. When I think of the MANY moments from the couch that I listen to individuals justify their use of profanity, slander, gossip, or malicious comments, I am reminded of the Flip Wilson alter ego, Geraldine and her famous retort, "The devil made me do it"! We are SOLELY responsible for the words that we speak to others AND about them behind their backs, so stop blaming satan for what comes out of your mouth, when you think no one's looking and listening! It can be hurtful and detrimental to a relationship to learn that someone that you love, respect, or admire has spoken critically or ill of you to someone else about some topic or issue that they have never spoken directly to you about. And just like it hurts you to discover that someone has talked about you behind your back, it hurts others to know that you have indulged in unproductive conversation about them, behind their back. If we want our words to have meaning, we must practice being critical friends. Engage in conversation that is purposeful and meaningful, remembering that your opinion DOES NOT necessarily have meaning or serve a purpose. And please remember that when you really care about a person you talk to them about them, and not about them to other people! After all, "Words Build AND Destroy Relationships"... that is all!

Proverbs 15:1

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” -Rudyard Kipling

ENVY WILL EAT YOU ALIVE

Envy is dangerous because it can enter your spirit without announcing itself. Envy claps for others publicly while privately comparing, competing, and questioning why life seems to be working for them and not for you.

Envy becomes a mental health issue when comparison turns into obsession, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, depression, or self-hatred and not just an emotional issue. The more you focus on somebody else’s blessings, the less energy you have to heal, grow, build, and walk into your own blessings. Envy can bring confusion and distort your thinking causing you to stop celebrating others, become emotionally exhausted, question your own worth, become suspicious, negative, and disconnected, and struggle to experience genuine joy.

Envy is more than wanting what someone else has, it’s resenting them because they have what you want! When you don’t address your feelings of envy your heart becomes bitter as you convince yourself that everyone else is the problem. In order to eliminate feelings of envy, stop comparing yourself to others, stop watching people obsessively on social media, stop measuring your journey against theirs, and start doing the internal work required to heal your own unmet needs and insecurities. Peace can never grow in a heart consumed by resentment. Stay focused on your own assignment. Stop withholding information that someone else can use for their growth because you’re fearful that they will out succeed you!

What is meant for you does not require you to envy someone else to receive it.

Proverbs 14:30

“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”

“It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.”

-Aeschylus

Are You Abandoning Yourself to Keep Others Comfortable?

Some of the greatest damage to your mental health does not come from strangers but comes from constantly abandoning yourself to try to keep other people comfortable. When you continue chasing people who make no effort to find you, beg for clarity, consistency, affection, or basic respect, and continue over explaining yourself to people who have already decided not to understand you; remember that your mental health is affected by what you tolerate.

Recognize and eliminate one-sided relationships. Deal with your unresolved issues, discontinue access to you from draining people, and stop abandoning yourself in an effort to keep others comfortable by:

1. Protecting your time.
2. Protecting your energy.
3. Protecting your boundaries.
4. Protecting your mouth—because your words either reveal wisdom or unresolved foolishness…I mean wounds.
5. Investing in yourself unapologetically.
6. Getting serious about your goals.
7. Dressing with confidence.
8. Moving with intention.
9. Learning how to leave spaces where you are disrespected, dismissed, or emotionally unsafe.

Sometimes your healing should look like saying less, visiting less, explaining less, tolerating less, and choosing yourself without guilt! May IS Mental Health Awareness Month…do something with it!

Luke 11:21

“When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are safe.”

“Sometimes healing is not the moment everything changes. Sometimes it is the quiet decision to remain gentle with yourself while change is still unfolding.” -Roche Uccello

Stay Reserved for Reciprocity

Everybody is not supposed to have unlimited access to your energy, your spirit, your loyalty, your body, your mind, or your presence. Some people will attach themselves to you because of the idea of who they think you are, as opposed to who you actually are. Unhealed individuals will leave emotionally before they leave physically and will stop loving you properly, as you continue to pour with your soul into them. We are sometimes emotionally overcommitted to people who are spiritually disconnected from us. Eliminate holding space for people who no longer hold space for you. Stop being loyal to individuals that have already exited the relationship, friendship, or kinship mentally, emotionally, or through their actions. Don’t stop living because someone left, stop growing because someone withdrew, or stop shining because someone could not appreciate your light without trying to put it out. Stop allowing former versions of people or your idea of them to occupy present day emotional real estate in your life. An EX should not still have the power to control your peace, your confidence, your routines, your joy, or your ability to move forward. Before you become deeply attached to someone else, become deeply connected to yourself. Learn and understand what brings you peace, makes you feel safe, and makes you feel whole outside of validation, attention, chemistry, or temporary companionship with someone else. “Stay Reserved for Reciprocity” and stop allowing energy vampires to suck the blood from you before you need a WHOLE transfusion!

May IS Mental Health Awareness Month…do something with it!

Psalm 118:17

“I will not die but live.”

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” -Rumi

Everything That Starts With SELF Isn’t Healthy

Have you ever thought about how many words start with “SELF”

that have different implications for how we treat ourselves and others? Some people move through life consumed with themselves…what they want, what they need, and what benefits them without consideration for the impact that their words, actions, inconsistency, or emotional unavailability have on others. Self-preservation is what happens when life, trauma, disappointment, betrayal, exhaustion, or repeated emotional injury teaches people to protect themselves. It’s the part of us that says: “I can’t jump into water to save you when I am drowning “ or “I cannot abandon myself trying to save someone else.” Self-esteem is the healthy space between valuing yourself enough to create boundaries without becoming cold, loving yourself without becoming arrogant, and considering others without disappearing in the process. Many people confuse selfishness with self-care and mistake ego and arrogance for confidence, emotional withdrawal for self-control, and emotional unavailability for maturity. Healthy relationships, friendships, kinships, and situationships require a high enough EQ(emotional intelligence)to know the difference between the two. Life is about so much more than protecting SELF. Life is about learning how to care for yourself without losing your humanity toward others in the process.

Proverbs 16:5

“Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished.”

“Selflessness. It should be the basis of every relationship. If a person truly cares about you, they'll get more pleasure from the way they make you feel, rather than the way you make them feel.”-Colleen Hoover

Grief Is Love Without a Place to Call Home

One of the greatest misconceptions about grief is that it only shows up when someone dies. Sometimes grief is the loss of a relationship, the loss of who you thought you were,

the loss of who you thought someone else was, the loss of a dream, a season of life, or the disappointment of realizing that what you gave your heart to did not and could not hold it with care. Grief is evidence that you loved. The depth of your grief does not mean you are weak but

that you were emotionally invested and that something mattered to you. Grief means your heart was open enough to feel connection in a world where many people spend their lives avoiding vulnerability. Grief is more than just sadness and is an emotional adjustment.

It is your mind and body trying to reconcile what was with what has become. Healing does not come from pretending you are unaffected, it comes from allowing yourself to feel without allowing grief to permanently arrest you. Some people become bitter after heartbreak, guarded after disappointment, and stop loving at all because they associate their vulnerability with pain. Healed people learn how to love again without abandoning themselves in the process. Every heart deserves the opportunity to recover without shame and grief deserves compassion. Sometimes the very thing that broke you emotionally…also reveals your capacity to love deeply, genuinely, and fully. “Don’t allow someone that broke your heart to break your spirit!”(Dr. Adrienne).

Psalm 143:7

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” -Leo Tolstoy

Strong Doesn’t Mean Healthy

Some people are functioning, performing, showing up for everyone but themselves, smiling publicly, and falling apart privately. Some of us are surviving heartbreak, feel pressured to persevere, are dodging life’s disappointments, are existing in unhealthy relationships, are overwhelmed with work stress, continue struggling to live up to family expectations of family members you don’t even like, all while bearing the emotional weight of life while still trying to appear strong. You can become so accustomed to stress that dysfunction starts to feel normal. You start to believe that “being busy”, “grinding”,” adulting”, or “handling business” evidences that you are thriving when actually your nervous system is overwhelmed. Your nerves are shot, your mode of sleep is insomnia over REM, your mouth is more reactive than compassionate, your mind struggles to find rest, and you’ve become impatient and intolerable with people you profess to care for. Chronic stress doesn’t just affect the individual experiencing it.

It affects how they love,communicate,parent, connect, and show up emotionally EVERYWHERE they go! Some people are emotionally exhausted from surviving things they never healed from which leads to them being emotionally unavailable, not necessarily by choice but by force. Success does not mean that someone is emotionally healthy and suffering silently should not be normalized as strength. STOP applauding people for carrying pain well and being “strong”. Some of your strongest friends need a shoulder to lean on and for a lot of people, you’re the strong friend that needs a shoulder to lean on. In order to TRULY heal you must be aware, accountable, and accepting that you’re not whole. You can function out of brokenness, until you hit a brick wall! Don’t wait until you fall completely apart before you figure out what’s truly needed to build you into a healthy, happier, healed, and whole version of yourself!

Proverbs 17:22

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

“My dark days made me strong. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it.”

—Emery Lord

Inconsistency Is Not Confusion, It’s a WHOLE Choice!

I often hear individuals in their confusion about someone’s behaviors towards them refer to the behaviors as giving “mixed signals”. Inconsistency is not a personality trait, it’s a pattern and character flaw. People that are SURE about you won’t fluctuate, perpetrate, separate, or isolate themselves from you. People that are UNSURE of themselves may evidence what looks like confidence but are wearing a mask to hide their insecurities, inefficiencies, inadequacies, and imperfections. Their ego needs energy and not just your energy but the fake fulfillment they receive from social media likes, comments, and attention on demand from what they perceive to be compliments. Like Audrey II the plant from the 80s movie “Little Shop of Horrors“ sang to the shop owner Seymour, “Feed me all night long so I can grow big and strong!”, some people need to feel wanted without the responsibility of being committed and need their ego fed by whoever will water it. Some people would rather collect attention from strangers than develop the emotional intelligence required to maintain a real connection, because it’s easier to be admired than to be accountable. It’s easier to post the highlights than to do the healing and easier to respond to everybody than to show up consistently for one person. Some people stay emotionally unavailable but socially active engaging online and disconnecting in real life. If you’re trying to build something real with someone who’s more committed to being seen than being SURE about you, please know that someone who needs constant external validation will struggle to offer you internal stability. When a person hasn’t done the self work to heal and become whole, they will keep choosing environments that feed their ego over relationships that require their growth. If they can show up consistently for social media they have the capacity to show up for you, but they don’t have the desire to. You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person. Stop investing in people who are more committed to fake attention than real connection.

Proverbs 11:2

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” -Rick Warren

Silence Has Volume

Pay attention to the people that don’t clap for you when you win. Some people in your life will withdraw without explanation because they can’t handle who you’re being and becoming. Sometimes there will be no conversation or conflict resolution because you were never informed that there was a problem. Sometimes a person’s silence is their avoidance, insecurity, and envy and not the peace that they want others to believe it to be. Everyone can’t and won’t celebrate you when you start evolving beyond the version of you that they were comfortable with. As long as you pour out and show up without requiring reciprocity, some people in your circle will stay close to you for access. What happens the moment you begin to grow, set boundaries, or start shining in ways that they or others never saw coming? Did they go silent, become distant, and have more obligations than time for you? Did your growth and potential begin to make them uncomfortable and illuminate their insecurities, inadequacies, unhappiness, unhealed wounds and unfulfilled dreams? Instead of doing the internal work, some people will distance themselves and call it, “protecting their peace” when your presence unearthed their already disrupted soul. Peace doesn’t require disappearing on people you once called friend. As painful as it might be,

some so called friends would rather lose access to you than adjust to the new version of you and look in the mirror to do the work on themselves. When someone can walk away from years of connection without a conversation, they were probably already competing with you in ways you didn’t realize and you ignored the subtle jokes and puns to disclose that they were. Release the need to decode the silence and take it at face value and the message that it was meant to send! You can never build a real friendship with someone who secretly measures themselves against you. When you realize that they have already left, find the courage to let them go not because it doesn’t hurt, but because you will no longer shrink who you are just to make them feel comfortable. Stop chasing people who went silent on purpose.

Proverbs 16:28

“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

-Alice Walker

IQ ≠ EQ… And That’s Where the Confusion Begins

If you’ve ever tried to understand someone’s behavior by measuring it against how smart you think they are and then found yourself questioning just how smart they really are, there’s probably a good reason. A person can be intellectually gifted and still lack emotional intelligence because those two don’t automatically develop together, and are not mutually exclusive. Intellect is the power of knowing. Emotional intelligence is the power of feeling, understanding, and responding. IQ says:Make it make sense while EQ says: Even when it doesn’t make sense can you still show up and be aware, empathetic , and respectful? IQ is reasoning, logic, analysis, and problem-solving. EQ is self-awareness,empathy, emotional regulation, and relationship management. You can understand everything, and still mishandle everyone. For some people, intellect becomes a shield. So instead of feeling; they analyze, rationalize, debate, justify, and intellectualize explaining the moment instead of connecting in it. Being smart doesn’t make you safe in relationships and being right in your mind doesn’t make you rational or relational. You can be brilliant and still lack the emotional capacity to love, listen, and be accountable. Emotional intelligence requires something intellect often avoids…vulnerability. Until a person is willing to feel, they will keep thinking their way out of every moment that requires them to show up in it and feel their feelings. Say it. Face it. Release it. Become Unstoppable.

Philippians 2:3

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

“Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.”-Mohsin Hamid

Even the Lion Protects Himself Against Flies

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming and we ignore the signs that led up to the snowball rolling down the hill. We must give ourselves permission to feel what is going on inside of us and around us and then we must move ourselves towards an actionable solution. When we don’t address the small matters, they have the potential to turn into monumental missteps. Sometimes we won’t ask for help because we’re embarrassed by the choices that led us to the missteps in the first place. As mighty as a lion is, even he must protect himself from something as small as a fly or else the bite of the fly can cause illness, infection and in extreme cases the death of the lion! Stop ignoring the small things in your life thinking that they will evaporate into thin air. The things that go unanswered, unattended, unadjusted, and unaddressed won’t dissolve and most likely will damage, destroy, devastate, or demolish you. Like weeds in your garden, if you don’t get rid of them, they’ll kill your flowers! SWAT those flies before they bite and infect you!

1 Peter 4:12

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb

Are You Walking Thru Revolving Doors?

The revolving doors that I have passed thru while in life have prompted me to examine the similarities between the manner in which they operate, incomparison to the people, places, and things that we ALLOW in our lives. A revolving door has many definitions including being "used to refer to a situation in which the same events or PROBLEMS recur in a continuous cycle." Human nature encourages us to gravitate towards the familiar- the people we associate with, the places we frequent, and even the things that we indulge in...the "continuous cycles". Our "familiar" is typically centered around our level of comfort. We tend to do who and what we know. The problem with doing who and what we know only becomes a problem when who and what we know, is the same PROBLEM recurring in a continuous cycle. If you continue to live life filled with revolving doors...dealing with the same people, going the same places, and doing the same things but expecting a different result, you are fooling yourself! If you want to be different, know different, and experience different you CAN'T do the same things, yet expect change to be on the horizon.! As you review your life DAILY, make a decision about the revolving doors in your life! If you don't step out of the revolving situations that cause you grief, despair, unhappiness, complacency, and dissatisfaction; they WILL remain in your life and this time next year you'll find yourself STILL spinning thru the same revolving doors, living the same revolving life!

Proverbs 11:13

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.”

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” -Plato

A Half Truth IS a Whole a Lie

Honesty and truth are often the mask of deceit used to justify and explain an individual's decision to "tell half of the truth" or "most of the story." People often use their desire to "protect" someone's feelings or their own reputation as an excuse for their dishonesty. A person that will lie to you, will lie on you! We all encounter unexpected situations, circumstances, and people (many that we bring upon ourselves) throughout our lives that result in a temporary lapse of judgement, common sense, and plain old know better. Our fear of unknown responses from those that we have not been totally forthright with, provide us the courage to hide behind the wall of deception. Don't expect to right a wrong or rebuild a relational foundation if the mortar holding the bricks together is a half truth disguised as jello. If you really want to wipe a slate clean, "start from scratch", or prove that you've changed for the better; remember that whoever you seek to convince can ONLY make the decision to trust you, take you at your word, or give "it" another shot based on the information that you provide and behavior that you exhibit. If you only provide half of the truth to someone, at best, they can only give you a half honest response. If you want a totally honest response, you MUST tell the whole truth, otherwise "A Half Truth IS a Whole a Lie!"

Proverbs 16:28

“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

“Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

-Dale Carnegie

God CCCCCs You!

God’s plans and promises don’t carry confusion, conflict, chaos, or commotion. God’s plans and promises arrive with clarity, confidence, conviction, and confirmation. IF it’s God’s plan and promise you will have the courage, commitment, and compassion to cultivate with charisma, character, conviction, and consistency. Sometimes we question God about our conditions that are the result of our actions and not His instructions or intentions. Stop blaming God for a mess you made! “God CCCCCs You”, and hears your prayers, pleas, and petitions. His plans and promises for your life will be communicated, will commence, will consummate, and will cultivate even after you have made choices, changes, selections, and decisions that had more to do with your ego than God’s plan for your life.

Philippians 4:6-7

“Be anxious for nothing but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the

peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

“Don’t expect a life of peace when you have a chaotic soul!”-Dr. Adrienne

Don’t Be a Drifter

People don’t just fall out of love, they drift quietly, subtlety, and unintentionally until it becomes an undeniable distance. Love fades where there’s no effort and connection weakens when a person’s attention shifts. You cannot nurture a relationship where only one person is tending the soil. At some point you have to ask yourself, “Are we drifting because we stopped nurturing each other or am I holding on to someone who was never truly invested?” Healthy love requires work, consistency, effort, communication, and

choosing each other, over and over again. You can’t revive love with someone who has already decided to emotionally check out, never checked in, or juggled you like a ball along with their many distractions. It’s ok to restart where you are, but be honest about what “where you are” really is. If it’s love that’s been neglected, water it, work on it, care for it, and watch it grow. Not everything that drifts needs to be saved and not everyone who entered your life, was meant to stay. You may have history, may share roots, and probably have moments and memories. Protect what you’ve built but don’t ignore when the landscape starts to change and you’re the ONLY one tending the soil. And in the words of MC Rob Ba$e, “It takes two to make a thing go right!”

Proverbs 16:18

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

“It takes so much strength to say to your ego, 'You know what? You're going to keep me lonely, so I have to ignore you.” -George Michael

Don’t Be Fooled

Relationships don’t usually end in one moment, they end in the small moments when you stop choosing each other. You used to reach for your partner and now you retreat from them. You used to talk to your partner and now there’s more silence than words between you. You used to be intentional but now you’re just co-existing. Some relationships suffer from neglect, while

others suffer because of people who were never really invested in the first place. Just like a snake sheds its skin and moves on,

some people move through your life the same way quietly, secretively, and strategically without authentic attachment.

Some people don’t come to build with you, they come to benefit from you. Love doesn’t just die, sometimes clarity shows up with an undeniable KNOCK so loud that you MUST answer the door that will set you free!

Proverbs 10:9

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.”

“People trust their eyes above all else - but most people see what they wish to see, or what they believe they should see; not what is really there.”-Zoë Marriott

The Nature of a Beast

Snakes rarely stay in the exact same spot for long, especially after shedding, and will likely be on the move. A snake doesn’t go back to the place where it sheds its skin.

Once it’s outgrown what it used, it leaves it behind without a second thought. Snakes don’t announce their presence.They slither in quietly undetected, unbothered, and intentional. They study the environment, find warmth, find access, and settle in just long enough to benefit. Some people move just like snakes. They don’t enter your life loudly instead they ease in, earn your trust, learn your patterns, and study your kindness. They position themselves close enough to benefit, but never close enough to be accountable. When they’ve taken what they came for…your time, your loyalty, your money, your emotional labor…they shed you just like the snake sheds his skin. The snake never valued his skin, it was just necessary for a season. When you don’t recognize their slither, you run the risk of their DEADLY presence. A person who can quietly enter your life, consume what you offer, and disappear without conscience was never loyal, they were strategic and predatory. Stop feeding the snake…extending loyalty to those who only value you for what you provide. Because just like the snake…if they shed you once, they’ve already decided you were expendable.

Exodus 14:14

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

“We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. -George Orwell

Jam the Revolving Door and It Won’t Turn!

Some people check for you not on you only you to see if their access card still opens the door to you! They’re less concerned about how you are and how you’ve been and more concerned about whether or not you’ll still let them back in! Closed doors close for a reason! Don’t be the reason that someone that you’ve denied access to, returns to your life to do their old tricks, in a new way! Remember who wouldn’t teach you to swim when you asked, but gladly stands at the edge of the water holding a life raft as they watch you drown! REMEMBER…Tumors that you don’t remove grow and all growth isn’t healthy. Some connections are cancers and destructive over time. Arrogance will have people believing their presence is a privilege, while their absence IS your peace. People aren’t “too busy”… they’re just not prioritizing you. We make time for what—and who—matters. Watch who’s watching you. Everybody on your sideline isn’t cheering—some are counting how many times you’ll let them back in, so be careful being their revolving door. Protect your peace like your life depends on it… because it does.

Luke 14:11

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

“An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person's main task in life becoming a better person.” -Leo Tolstoy

Busy People Prioritize What Matters

Arrogance breeds conceit… not confidence. Be mindful of people who are always “busy”… but don’t make the room for you that you make for them. Every adult that I know is busy so we don’t make time… we prioritize time. If someone consistently tells you they’re too busy, what they’re really saying is…you’re not at the top of what matters to them. When a person cares, they don’t overpromise and underdeliver and instead communicate, show up, and make space instead of excuses. Arrogant people will expect you to understand, while making no effort to be understood. Stop making excuses for inconsistent people. Stop shrinking your expectations to fit their convenience. The right people won’t just SAY that they care, they will schedule opportunities to show that they do. Pay attention to patterns, not promises. If they can invest hours into what benefits or distracts them but can’t invest in you and in what matters to you, they’re NOT invested in you! Choose people who don’t just talk value but that demonstrate it with their time. Be offended the next time someone shows you that you’re not important enough for their busyness! “Busy People Prioritize What Matters”…when you matter!

Matthew 6:21

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”.

“There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. 'Good pride' represents our dignity and self-respect. 'Bad pride' is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.”

-John C. Maxwell

Tumors You Don’t Remove Grow!

Tumors are a classic example that all growth ain’t good. Tumors are abnormalities that left untreated may destroy you. Some people come into your life to teach you how to love, while others come to teach you how to love yourself. You will know when your tired is tired and “All you gotta do is move something”(2 Live Crew). People may leave, but their lessons for you will not. When you remove cancerous people from your life, the pain eventually will cease.

When the pain ends, you stop chasing acceptance and start choosing alignment. When the pain ends, you stop proving and professing your worth and start protecting your peace. When the pain ends, you stop pouring into people who empty you dry. Life is short. Stop affiliating with people that only tolerate you. Once you realize that they’re only present to pretend, provide them with a permanent exit from your life. “Tumors You Don’t Remove Grow!”

James 3:16

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

“If you can’t love someone, leave them alone for those who can.”

-Michael Bassey Johnson

Watch Who’s Watching You

Everybody in your circle, is not in your corner. Every passenger in your car, ain’t riding with you! Everybody watching you, is not cheering for you. Stop overextending yourself trying to prove your value to people who have already decided how they see you. Stop giving front row seats to individuals that should have NEVER been in your life’s theatre. Stop showing up and giving 100% for people giving you 10 %. Stop confusing proximity with loyalty. Everyone that you let access you is NOT aligned with your virtues, values, views, or validity. Some people are watching you to celebrate you, while others are watching to covet, compare, compete, cheat and collapse you. Not every connection is meant to be a commitment, nor every feeling meant to become a forever, or every person meant to have a permanent stay in your life. “Watch Who’s Watching You” because you may discover who’s for you and who’s for your downfall!

James 3:14

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”

“Jealousy comes from deep within; it just takes time to unfold.” -John Joclebs Bassey

Turn the Knob

God provides doors of opportunity that we avoid due to fear of failure, past pain, mental memories of misfortunes, and choices that we think have changed us or our path in a less than fortunate way. We will ask God and the Universe for a sign, symbol, or somebody to confirm that where we’re going and what we’re choosing, is what we should be choosing and where we should be headed. When God provides a “door of opportunity “ it may come in the form of an idea, assignment, plan, concept, or a feeling. He doesn’t just provide doors of opportunity for one person, He provides them for us all. Don’t allow your WAYS to keep you from your opportunities. The WAY you think about who raised you, your unhealthy habits, where you’re from( the past not a place), and what you have had and don’t have in comparison to others. Your WAYS will arrest you and shackle you to thoughts that won’t serve you or progress you! God will provide you a “door of opportunity” that may come in the form of a new person, position, place, plan, possibility, or purpose. However, if YOU never turn the knob, the “door of opportunity” will never open and if you don’t seize and use the opportunity, you will probably delay it, destroy it, or lose it.

Proverbs 14:23

"All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”- Henry Ford

The Energy Audit: Who’s in Your Life?

Not everyone in your life is assigned to support your growth. Some people are present to reveal what you must learn to release. The older I get, the more I understand that everybody on your sideline is NOT cheering for you. Some are watching, some are waiting, and some are quietly hoping you fall. Pretenders don’t become authentic, they just get better at wearing masks. In Christianity, we talk about the Seven Deadly Sins. In real life I’ve learned there are Seven Deadly Types of People that you better learn to RECOGNIZE… and when necessary, REMOVE.

The 7 to Recognize AND Remove:

1. The Drainers

Always in crisis, always in need… never in position to pour back into you. You’re their solution, not their priority.

2. The Extractors

They show up when you have something—access, energy, connections. Disappear when you need support. They don’t love you—they love what you provide.

3. The Controllers

Help you once, then act like they own you forever. Support with conditions is manipulation, not love.

4. The Pretenders

Close enough to know your business… but not loyal enough to protect it. They study you, not support you.

5. The Competitors

Clapping with one hand, comparing with the other.Your wins feel like their defeat.

6. The Discouragers

Always explaining why it won’t work. They don’t have vision, so they try to dim yours.

7. The Chaos Carriers

If it’s negative, messy, or draining—they’re delivering it. Peace is a foreign concept to them.

Stop trying to prove your worth to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Protect your peace. Guard your space.And learn the difference between who’s with you…and who’s just watching you. Everybody can’t go where you’re going. Everybody can’t handle who you’re becoming. And everybody shouldn’t have access to your energy!

1 John 4:1

“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

“Access to me is a privilege, not a right and everybody doesn’t qualify.” -Dr. Adrienne

Be Careful Who you Call Friend

Most adults have lived enough life that some significant person in their life has reminded them that, “everybody is not your friend”. I frequently encounter individuals that assert the desire to improve their lives, circumstances, and circles by choosing more wisely who and what they allow to enter their personal space. I encourage those individuals to assess whether or not the people in their lives add value to or subtract from them, and bring them more grief and strife than joy. When I encounter individuals that struggle with ending seasons with people that are not healthy for them, I encourage them to review who the person is vs how they wish them to be. Anyone that you have in your life that you affectionately refer to as a "FRIENDenemy” or any other term that IS NOT one of endearment, is probably NOT your friend, you already know it and have still chosen to allow them to remain as a staple in your life! Review your FRIENDenemies because an enemy is an enemy even when they pretend to be friendly. You can't change anyone into something that they’re not, you can only change yourself and who you choose and allow to remain in your life. Don't get mad at someone because you accepted them for who they really are! They did their part by showing you their true colors. How many times did you overlook what was shown in an attempt to find what you wanted to see?

Psalm 35:4

“May those who seek my life be disgraced and put to shame; may those who plot my ruin

 be turned back in dismay.”

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” -Walter Winchell

God’s Pivots ARE Purposeful

As humans, we are creatures of comfort even when it causes discomfort. We will stay in familiar spaces with familiar faces, even when they seem to become more unfamiliar. We will pause, procrastinate, and ponder ourselves into arrested development…doing nothing and going nowhere. Sometimes it’s not until God sends a disruption that places distance between you and the very thing that you’re holding onto in order for Him to push, prompt, and project you towards His plan for your life. Even when a change in your money, relationships, or career feels uncomfortable, uncertain, and unwanted be reminded that “God’s Pivots ARE Purposeful”. Disruptions can propel us towards directions that we would have overlooked, omitted, dismissed, and disregarded. Who you are and how you exist should be a representation of the space that He allows you to occupy on this earth for your story, but His glory! Pivots are just like line dancing…some are harder than others but if you practice long enough, you’ll eventually get it and before you know it, you’re doing a new dance!

Proverbs 19:21

"You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail."

“No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected.”-Julius Caesar

Coincidence or God Incidents

Don’t ever rush God about a problem in your life. Sometimes you want to get out of a place so badly that your focus is on the leaving, EVEN when you don’t know where you’re going. Growth is painful! Sometimes we’re trying to get away physically, emotionally, or mentally when we need to go back and face our own growth that doesn’t include staying in abusive situations, but may include uncomfortable or inconvenient people, places, and things that are necessary for our growth. Sometimes we have to GO BACK AND FACE some stuff that we have caused and created with our tongues and behaviors in order to grow and develop by making amends. If you created it, you must fix it! Emotional and spiritual growth is painful and cannot be achieved without going through because the traits that we say that we desire(Faith, Patience, Unconditional Love, etc)can’t be delivered upon us, but must be developed in us. You won’t develop certain qualities without going through what’s necessary in your life for you to grow. You can’t have a MESSage for someone else without going through some mess of your own. Don’t ever put limitations on where God can bless you! Sometimes we’re praying to get out, and He has us in a place to get something out of us! Before you try to work you plan instead of God’s plan for your life ask yourself…What is God trying to teach me about me? What is he trying to teach me about others? And most importantly, what is he trying to teach me about him? God can bless you in the very place that your trauma and trials have occurred so that he can get the glory for your story!

Romans 5:3-4

“Not only so, but we may also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." -Khalil Gibran

When You Look Away

You will never know the depth of someone else's hurt and pain as long as you turn away or turn a deaf ear to them. If a person looks like they're in agony or defeat, they probably are. If someone looks like they’ve been crying, they probably have. If someone looks like they're at the end of their rope and don't know how to hold on, they probably don't. So if you can look at a person and something in your spirit tells you that something is probably wrong with them, how in good conscience can you possibly turn and walk away? How can you turn a deaf ear to their plea or refuse to give of yourself whatever small part of you that might possibly offer them that glimmer of hope that they are in need of? If you can see hurt, pain, desperation, and despair in someone and walk away from them, who really has the problem...the person that you're walking away from or YOU?

Deuteronomy 16:17

“Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord your God that he has given you.”

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -Dalai Lama

Emotional Roulette

People in our lives are like bullets in a gun's chamber and depending on how long we've known a person and how well we think we know them, associating with them can be like pulling the trigger...you don't know when you're going to get shot! Be CAREFUL about who you allow to sit in the front row seat of your life's theatre. Everyone in your life should NOT be on the same level nor should they have equal access to your knowledge, love, dreams, or body! Not everyone has earned the right to have an intimate look into who you are and your "why". Oftentimes we allow people to get up close and personal BEFORE they've proven that they can give the respect and honor that we deserve. If someone accuses you of being difficult, picky, controlling, and unreasonable because you're determined to stay true to your truths, it probably means that they don't deserve to be in your life up on the front row. Be careful about those individuals that constantly remind EVERYONE else of how much they love you and who shows up for your shining moments and photo ops. Just because someone's been in your life for a long time, it doesn't mean that they've got your back. Sometimes the best way to see what you're up to, is to try to stay the closest to you. Some folk shouldn't be in your life's theatre at all and should be outside standing in line trying to purchase a ticket to get in! Be careful about the individuals that you ALLOW to play Emotional Roulette with your heart, mind, and soul. As long as there's a bullet left in the chamber remember that if you keep pulling the trigger, eventually you'll get shot!

Proverbs 13:20 

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" -Maya Angelou

Attention with INTENTION!

EVERYTHING that happens begins with intention! Successful relationships, friendships, kinships, and even SITUATIONships, are those that are embarked upon with Attention with INTENTION! Attention is the act or state of applying the mind to something and intention is the thing that you plan to do or achieve; an aim or purpose(Merriam Webster).The attention that we give to those that we claim to care for and about, is directly correlated to the degree of intent that we use to foster and nurture the relationships and the busier you are, the more intentional

you must be.

The following questions can be used to assess whether or not you build intentional relationships effectively:

1. Given your schedule, how participatory and PRESENT are you in your relationships?
2. Are you engaged in your relationships or JUST physically present?
3. Are your interactions meaningful or by happenstance?
4. Do you communicate with transparency or are you guarded and fearful of being authentic and genuine?

Suggestions to build intentional relationships more effectively:

1. Make a List-Who are the TRULY significant people in your life? Whose advice do you respect and admire? Who are people that really need your input their lives? Who are your mentors and who have you mentored?
2. Check it Twice-Everyone on the list probably won't and shouldn't make the cut of significance. However for those that do, remember that the quality or even existence of the relationship can suffer when we forget to stay in contact with people that we "say" are significant in our lives.
3. SHOW Love-Think of creative ways you can display your love, instead of just telling people. Even the smallest act can communicate much more than words when it is THOUGHTFUL.
4. KNOW Them-Knowing a person's dreams and passions is one the truest compliments of intention and a good measure of how attentive and intentional you have been in the relationship.
5. Make Them MATTER-See Suggestion #4

EVERYTHING that happens begins with intention! If you want to "Be" in and not just claim to "Be" in meaningful relationships, friendships, kinships, and SITUATIONships, make sure to give them Attention with INTENTION!

Proverbs 27:17

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

"Create a life by design, not a life by default."

— Lora deVries

Too Much of Anything is Too Much!

We often overindulge in order to avoid doing the people, places, and principles that bring us discomfort, often becoming AHOLICS. We become shopAHOLICS, workAHOLICS, foodAHOLICS, sexAHOLICS, churchAHOLICS, alchoHOLICS, playAHOLICS...you get the picture. We over indulge in whatever feels more comfortable and that allows us to avoid dealing with the people, places, and principles in our lives that need to be addressed, dealt with, or resolved. We use our AHOLICS as unhealthy alliances that are the pathway to the land of temporary ecstasy and escape often forgetting that on our return trip to reality, we will most likely become consumed and overwhelmed with the very things and people that we were trying to escape. If you're avoiding addressing issues, concerns, situations, and people in your life and instead pour your time, energy, and effort into something in order to escape, evade, elude, avoid, and avert your life is likely unbalanced, unhealthy, and possibly unproductive.

2 Timothy 1:7 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

“If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self."— Napoleon Hill

Character is What You Do, Not What You Say You Do!

Situations and circumstances DON'T bring out the worst in people, people bring out the worst in themselves and use the situations and circumstances as their convenient excuses to justify and explain their behavior. Everyone's perception of the situations and circumstances is sure to bias their true ability to view it from anyone's perspective other than their own. Anyone that lives enough life will encounter a situation, person, place, or circumstance that could provoke feelings of disappointment, dissatisfaction, distress, hurt, anger, bitterness, and frustration and more often than not, will come at the very moment when it is least expected. What is done in those unexpected emotional moments is a personal decision and even more personal responsibility! The true test of character is what you do when you are distressed, hurt, angry, and frustrated because in those moments we must truly reflect on who we are choosing to be and how we are acting versus who we say that we are, tell people that we are, and what we demonstrate.

John 3:18

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. -Abraham Lincoln

Upward, Onward, and Forward

Sometimes life’s setbacks can cause us to become arrested in what we view as denial. We spend time reviewing and rethinking every decision that we have qualified as a mistake and tend to equate it as the summation of who we are instead of a choice that we made. There have been moments for most of us when we feel as if we have been knocked down and pulling ourselves back up has seemed like one more daunting task. You’ve felt absolutely overwhelmed, burdened, and exhausted yet you find the strength and the courage to will yourself to keep going and propel yourself forward. No one told you that life would be harder on somedays than others. You’ve probably had several people along your journey to say don’t give up, don’t give in, keep going, it will get better. Many times just when you thought that you couldn’t take a step for fear of a misstep, you came out of whatever storm you were going through and the sun began to shine and life looked brighter. In moments when you feel as if you’ve fallen, failed, and been forgotten always remember that “Upward, Onward, and Forward” are the ONLY options to acquire, achieve, accomplish, and arrive otherwise you’re stuck moving nowhere fast!

Psalm 34:19

"The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all"

“The task ahead of you is never greater than the strength within you."— Unknown

Control Your Destiny or It WILL Be Controlled!

Often times we do people, places, and things that bring us more pain and frustration than they bring joy and happiness into our lives. We continue to deal with those people, places, and things because (1) we get used to it (2) we think WE can make things different and (3)we are trying to change things that ONLY God can change. We take on a false sense of responsibility trying to change circumstances and people outside of our control. When other people are not disciplined to manage their own emotions, happiness, and issues we certainly cannot manage them, nor are we responsible to. Some people are “alarmist” and everything is a crisis to them that we must refuse to allow to become our emergency. When we allow people, places, and things to stay in our lives that don’t add value to who we are, we often delay operating in our own purpose because of the distractions that they present in our lives.

1 Peter 5:10 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”-Jean de La Fontaine

Life Ain't Unfair, Life Is Life!

We often become frustrated and discouraged as we review our life's choices. We question the "why's" of our decisions that range from college choices, career paths, employment options, our dates, our mates, and whether or not to procreate. We encounter situations that cause us to feel as if the hand that we've been dealt is far worst than that of others that we consciously and/or subconsciously compare ourselves too. We wonder when we will receive our "just dessert". Just because we feel as if it's our turn, that doesn't mean that it's our time! If you truly embrace and believe that things happen as they're supposed to within their appointed time, shouldn't you also believe that it's not possible to miss out on a turn that is TRULY designed for you? Delay does not mean denial. Sometimes the journey is just as important as the destiny!

Proverbs 16:9

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."

“No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life.”-Martin Lawrence

Don’t Forget Your Vitamin C

Vitamin C is an essential vitamin that your body can’t produce— but needs to function, grow, and repair. Your physical health depends on what you put into your mind and body and your emotional health is impacted by what you allow into your relationships. In every relationship, you’re constantly choosing your Vitamin C: Conceding or Compromising. Do you tend to Concede or Compromise when Conflict appears? Conflict in its simplest form is when two people have different needs or desires. Conceding is surrendering reluctantly which appears to keep the peace on the surface, but often plants seeds of resentment underneath. Compromising is collaboration and requires both people to bend so that both benefit. Concessions often create scorekeeping. Compromise usually creates shared solutions. Compromise is not shrinking yourself to avoid conflict. It’s standing in your truth, honoring theirs, and co-creating a resolution where no one has to disappear in order for a positive outcome to be present. So when disagreement shows up and you both want something different…Which Vitamin C will you choose?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

“Say not, I have found the truth,but rather, I have found a truth.” -Khalil Gibran

The Circle of Life

The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends and loved ones becomes either by choice or by force. We will decrease the number of individuals that have access to us either because of DEATH...they die or you do or DECISION...you choose to eliminate them from your lives or they choose to eliminate you from theirs. As we get older our choices will hopefully mature with our age and everyone, everyplace, and everything that has been apart of your life, will probably NOT remain apart of your life. It really is ok to allow the seasons, which includes the people, places, and things, in your life to change and transition. STOP wishing for leaves to stay attached to dead trees. If the people, places, and things in your life don’t add value to you, I can assure you that they are impacting your purpose even if not on a daily basis, an occasional impact can be detrimental. Take a daily assessment of who and what adds value to you and your life’s purpose and once you start identifying the stuff and folk that don’t, make the choice to eliminate them by altering their placement in your life before you are forced into the elimination either by them or yourself! Choice or force, you cannot have both! In the words of Rifiki, “It’s in the past” and sometimes you’ve got to allow by gones to be by gones, and be ok with the decrease in the size of your Circle of Life!

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." — Socrates

When Times Are Hard

There maybe days when you feel so disconnected, disappointed, discouraged, and depressed that you just want to disappear. You think, I can’t take one more thing going wrong and then one more thing goes wrong. If you EVER feel like giving up, REMEMBER:

Tough times are just a phase that don't last forever and THIS(whatever the this is) shall pass. You’re stronger than you think. You've already survived 100% of your bad days and you're stronger and more capable than you believe. Each step that you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to your goal. Keep moving forward and don’t stop believing that you can make progress. It's okay to fall but it's more important to rise again, and again, and again. Every setback brings opportunities to learn and grow. There will be hard days followed by good days followed by great days followed by hard days. Life feels like a roller coaster because it is. Sometimes we just need to remember to buckle up, hold our breath and then catch our breath, scream if we need to, laugh if we can, and try to find joy in every ride even when it feels scary because as hard as it seems, it will end before it starts again!

Isaiah 40:29

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless."

“Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient." — Steve Marabol

On Sacrifice

Sacrifice and "Role Responsibility" are often misinterpreted as being one in the same. Sacrifice is the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone. Role is a function or part performed especially in a particular operation or process. When you have a job that requires you to work a little extra or stay a little late, that's not a sacrifice. It would be a sacrifice if you you didn't get a paycheck and provided free labor, service, or advice. When your spouse, mate, or "other baby's parent" asks you to pick up "the" kid from an activity or event , you're not making a sacrifice when you do it. A sacrifice is when you do things for kids that you can't claim on your income taxes. When you prepare a meal at the house where you lay your head, it's ONLY a sacrifice if everyone in the house EXCEPT you eats the meal that you prepared. The next time that you want to talk about your sacrifice, ask yourself if you would give the life of your child to save others from sin. If not you may not be making a sacrifice and instead maybe performing a duty associated with the role that you occupy! Whether you're a father, mother, husband, wife, employee, church member, etc. etc. etc. you may not get a trophy, pat on the back, or "atta" boy for doing those things that you're expected and required to do as apart of the operation or process associated with the role that you occupy! And oh yeah, if you have the “Role Responsibility” of a “Christian” what’s the “Sacrifice” that you will make for the next 40 days?

Romans 12:12

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

“To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift.”-Steve Prefontaine

The WHOLE You

The only person that can make a person whole, is the person that needs to be made whole. Your happiness, sanity, successes, and failures are your responsibility. If you hand over the responsibility to someone else to "complete you", you will spend the majority of your life seeking completion. If you look into the mirror and can recognize that the completion that you're seeking stands before you daily, you can find what you seek because you understand that you are totally responsible and in control of discovering those things that will make you feel whole and complete. If you want to be a whole individual, start by working on yourself so that you don't end, by blaming others!! YOU must complete you!

Jeremiah 30:17

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD".

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” - Abraham Maslow

Who Completes You?

It's a MYTH to believe that two broken individuals can become one whole union, just by virtue of going to the altar and saying, "I do." If you are on the journey to "being and becoming" and you are living life as your BEST SELF, WHY would you knowingly attach yourself to someone that, "has some issues", "has some stuff to work on", or "is coming out of a bad situation"? If you are NOT living life as your BEST SELF and you "have some issues", " got some stuff to work on", or are "coming out of a bad situation", WHY would you knowingly attach yourself to someone else? Require yourself and others to bring their BEST SELF to the table so that no one is left to pick up the pieces of brokenness. If self work is done, self improvement is achieved, leaving no one with the responsibility of "Dealing until there's healing"(Dr. Adrienne, 2013) with a broken individual.

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds".

“Tell the story often of how you healed. Your journey will be someone's road map.”

-Peri Q. Arden

Be Intentional

Too often we take for granted the individuals that we are in relationships, friendships, and SITUATIIONships with. We tend to think that we will always have enough time to right wrongs and extend our expressions of loving affection to those that we care for. We can be very selfish in the way that we manage our 50% of relationships, even becoming careless and haphazard in the manner in which we treat it. We tend to operate from a place of assumption and complacency...we assume that the relationship, friendship, or SITUATIONship will always exist in our lives and therefore we become complacent about how we nurture or neglect it. Protect the relationships that are meaningful to you by ACTIVELY managing your 50% CONSISTENTLY so that you don't wake up one day and realize that the other person picked up their 50% PLUS your 50% and exited 100% of your life! Be Intentional in your relationships as you show love, care, and commitment or you're likely to exit it filled with regrets, guilt, and disappointments!

Proverbs 21:5

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

“People who add value to others do so intentionally. I say that because to add value, leaders must give of themselves, and that rarely occurs by accident.”-John C. Maxwell

Know Yourself to Love Others

No matter what type of relationship…friendship, kinship, or romantic, vulnerability is key to fostering a closer, deeper, and more authentic bond with another person. It keeps us honest with each other and ourselves, breaks down walls, and eliminates the potential for miscommunication and misunderstandings. Vulnerability is when a person willingly takes the risk to reveal their emotions and weaknesses. This emotional openness is essential in all healthy relationships as it paves the way for deeper understanding and evokes the empathy necessary for healthy long-term relationships. The fear of vulnerability is a very common fear because the last time that you were truly naked and unashamed was the day you were born before you ever experienced hurt or disappointment from anyone else. Embrace vulnerability as a catalyst for connection and growth. Being vulnerable allows for authentic relationships with others and deeper self-understanding for you.

2 Corinthians 12:10

"For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

“Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” -Brene Brown

Self-Love Isn’t Selfish

Self-love is defined as regard for one’s own well-being and happiness; “love of self.” Learning to truly love yourself, and not just say that you love yourself, is a necessary demonstration in order to love others. The demonstration of self-love encompasses many things that include what we think, what we tell ourselves, what we put into our bodies, who we allow into our space, and what we speak from our mouths.

Self-love is about choosing ourselves even when it means disappointing others. It’s being true to our truths even when someone else views them as unacceptable. It’s providing physical care in terms of sleep, activity, and what we consume into our bodies, as well as practicing mental wellness and caring for our emotional health and stability. Self-love is understanding and practicing boundaries even with people that you are blood related to when who they are, negatively impacts who you are being and becoming.

Proverbs 8:17

“I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.”

“If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.”— Marcus Garvey

Self-Love Is the First Romance

Look to yourself for love! Stop gauging your self worth through the eyes of others. We possess the ability to give ourselves care and affection. Stop waiting for others to make you feel special.

Reach your full potential by overcoming the fear of rejection. Someone will always feel as if you’re not enough while others will feel that you’re “just too much”! You ARE enough despite whoever makes you feel as if you’re not. STOP surrounding and involving yourself with individuals that make you feel unworthy or less than because what they’re willing to give to you, doesn’t measure up to what you need. Self-Preservation Starts with Self! Loving yourself isn’t vanity, it is sanity!

Ephesians 2:10

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

“Self-love is the source of all our other loves”-Pierre Corneille

E is for Excellence

Excellence is a habit. Habits of excellence must be developed, cultivated, and practiced daily in order to reach goals and achieve dreams. Hard work, determination, tenacity, and the ability to weather storms and bounce back from disappointments are necessary character traits for establishing habits of excellence. Others may not believe in your dreams, hopes, and wishes but if you have enough faith when others don't, can't, or won't, then you have ALL of the faith that is needed to succeed! Belief in self begins with self!!! End EACH day with a reflection of whether or not your living has resulted in you being your best self on that day. “My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws, and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”(Anaïs Nin)Assess your shortcomings, faults, and weaknesses in order to improve, develop, mature, and grow!

Colossians 3:23

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life." -Herbert A. Otto

Losing Control Maybe A Win

When the world got quiet we felt as if we’d lost control, when in fact the pandemic just illuminated how little control we actually had in this world. The amount of time and energy that we spend on the things that we CANNOT control is what contributes to the anxiety that we experience. Assess the people that you seek counsel and advice from. Everyone that has an opinion for you, should not have an opinion for you.

Assess yourself. How much of your beliefs, feelings, and attitude do you impose on those around you? Do you attempt to mold and shape your partner, children, and friends into a clone of you? Do you become angry, frustrated, or unforgiving because the people around you refuse to think and act like you? Assess your work environment experiences. Do you struggle to advance? Are you accused of not being a team player or being unapproachable? Sometimes it’s the environment and sometimes it’s you. You can’t control whether someone calls, but you CAN control whether or not you answer. You can’t control whether or not you get an invite, but you can control whether or not you accept an invitation. You may not be chosen or selected to be in a leadership role within your church, organization or on your job, but you can decide whether or not you choose to make a positive contribution even when you don’t hold the title. Assess how often throughout the day you ask questions that demonstrate that you want to control a narrative that you don’t control. In order to change a behavior, you must first acknowledge that it exists. Attempting to control other people, places and things outside of your control may result in severe health problems, the loss of employment, the loss of finances, the loss of relationships, and the loss of your mind. Besides, why worry about things you can't control when you can stay busy controlling the things that require your attention?

Philippians 1:6

“God is faithful to complete the good work of change he started in you.”

“Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand, and becoming comfortable with not knowing."— Eckhart Tolle

Loose Control Before You Lose Control

Our lives are often fueled by the stresses of our work, family, friends, social media, and organizations. How do we learn to simplify our lives from much of what seems to consume us? We often say that we want simple lives, but become distracted by many things that cause our lives to be complex. March 2020 brought most of us an opportunity to truly assess who we have actually become in relation to who we always wanted the people around us to believe that we were. 2020 provided the opportunity to reshape how we do life, yet many individuals continue in their desire to control for things that they have no control over.

THINGS WE CAN’T CONTROL:

Time, future, death, weather, family, who’s in your family, another person’s behavior, how others see you or judge you, what people do to you, what people say about you, what people want from you, peoples’ beliefs, and what happens.

THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL:

Your beliefs, your attitude, your thoughts, how honest you are, who your friends are, how you interpret situations, how often you practice gratitude, the amount of effort you put forth, how often you think about your past, how you express your feelings, whether or not you ask for help, how much time you spend worrying, whether or not you judge others, how much you appreciate what you have, and whether or not you try again after a setback. We must relinquish our need to be in control. We must lose control over things that we have no control over, before we lose control of ourselves!

Proverbs 4:23

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” -Maya Angelou

Are You Squirelling?

When you observe the behaviors of squirrels they often seem playful. More often than not they’re seen running, scampering, climbing, and jumping in what seems like a frenzied motion. They often seem hurried, out of breath, and as if they’re running for their lives! You never see them asleep. Oftentimes when we observe them lying down and still, it’s because they’ve been run over, half devoured, are dead, or darn near dead. How much of your life resembles that of the squirrel? How much of your daily routine results in your feeling out of sorts, discombobulated, pulled in too many directions, distracted because you’re over worked, hurrying about as if you’re loosing time (or out of time), and rushing towards the proverbial “Friday” ? How often do you rush to get to the weekend that you claim will bring you rest, because your week has consumed you to the point where you feel near dead? How often do you reach that end of the week ONLY to fill your Friday–Sunday with a multitude of other tasks and obligations in preparation for starting it all over again on Monday! Are you squirreling? Do you find yourself always looking for a new nut? Do you find joy and satisfaction in the things that you have, the people you meet, the places you go, and the experiences that you encounter? There is nothing wrong with having aspirations, but in order to live a healthy existence, you must find the balance of satisfaction. If you don’t determine true satisfaction in the people, places, and things in your life you will find yourself living the life of the squirrel who’s always running around trying to find a nut! To be satisfied only becomes settling if what you settled for, you’re not satisfied with.

Jeremiah 2:25

"Slow down. Take a deep breath. What's the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?". 

“Peace never hurries. To rush or force is contradictory to the very essence of peace.”

-Alaric Hutchinson

Your Journey To Your Legacy

Your life’s journey is preparation for your legacy. The time, energy, effort, and commitment that you put into the activities that you engage in, the people that you associate with, and the places that you visit will all significantly impact the legacy that you are building. Whether or not you will become a great man among great men, a leader among leaders, a stepping stone to help others rise to new heights, is up to you. Life’s journey is not a destination but an adventure. Live it to the fullest, always remember to help others along the way, and never lose sight of the legacy that you would like to leave in representation of your life’s journey!

2 Timothy 2:2

“Entrust what you've learned to faithful men who can teach others.”

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies . . . Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die . . . It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away.” -Ray Bradbury

Your Journey

Life can be a journey filled with unexpected bumps and turns, unanticipated ups and downs, and unwanted disappointments and failures. Along life’s journey you will meet people of significance that will leave an everlasting impression upon your heart and maybe even an unremovable scar. You will be given many words along the journey—some of wisdom, some of nonsense, some filled with truths, and many filled with lies. You will make missteps as you travel your journey. The true measure of your character will not be how many missteps you made, but how many you avoided repeating and instead learned from—because when you know better, you do better. You will come to crossroads along your journey. Don’t ignore the caution lights and the stop signs that your inner voice will warn you of. And remember, it’s always okay to ask for directions from others that may have encountered the crossroads before you.

1 Peter 5:7

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

“Everything you can imagine is real.”-Pablo Picasso

Stop Worrying and Breathe: The Anxiety Reset I

Anxiety comes in several forms that fall into categories of anxiety disorders, and they each have different characteristics and symptoms and is the MOST commonly treated mental health disorder that Psychotherapists treat regularly. Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension and uncertainty encompassing fear and dread. For some people, anxiety can be a daily companion that almost feels like walking around inside of a nightmare that is not easy to wake from. Anxiety is bred by your body and mind when you’re catastrophize life and situations, often blowing them out of proportion.

Tips to treat anxiety

1. Breathing techniques and relaxation exercises

2. Exercise

3. Mindfulness

4. Recognizing triggers (people, places, and things)

5. Therapy

6. Practice self-care habits

7. Look for the good

8. Stay connected to the positive motivating factors in your life

9. Mind your mouth and your mind

10. Find a therapist and stop talking to your family & friends—the co-sign on your foolishness

Proverbs 12:25

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up". 

“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.”

-C. H. Spurgeon

Rising to the Surface

Perfection is the condition, state or quality of being free, or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. In order to understand how a diamond is made; we must distinguish between a completely natural diamond and a synthetic imposter. Genuine diamonds begin with the presence of carbon atoms which some refer to as coal, in sections of the earth's mantle - miles and miles between the earth's surface. Due to the immense pressure present in that part of the earth, as well as the extreme temperatures, a diamond gradually begins to form. The entire process for a natural diamond to form takes between 1 - 3.3 billion years. The process for creating synthetic diamonds is a lot simpler and uses less pressure, often referred to as 'diamond growing' and can be done as quickly as overnight. Real diamonds take an extremely long time to form, are beautiful and indestructible, but the journey to the surface assures that it will have some sort of flaws and inclusions. Even a “perfect” diamond is a myth. Even the person, place, or thing that seems to be without imperfections has a degree of a blemish or inclusion that may not always be readily visible with the naked eye. Sometimes we put so much stock in the way other people evaluate us and see us, that the ONLY healthy protection is the removal from the person, place, or thing that's causing us to see ourselves as less than or not enough. Don't allow other people, your circumstances, your disappointments, your challenges, or your setbacks to allow you to see yourself as anything other than the diamond that you are. Remember that diamonds are buried deep beneath the dirt for years and only form under pressure and heat before rising to the top! So to all my fellow flawed diamonds I say…SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND!

Ecclesiastes 7:8

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.”

"Personal growth is about progress, not perfection." — Unknown

Artificial Sweetners: The Best of the Worst

Artificial is defined as made or produced by human beings rather than occurring naturally, especially as a copy of something natural. An artificial sweetner is a sugar substitute that provides a “sweet like” taste, like that of sugar. Oftentimes we will (1) accept what we have as a substitute for what we want OR (2) we will make and produce, convincing ourselves in our minds—seeing with our eyes—that something that doesn’t even remotely resemble what we want is in fact “The Real Thing.” We will accept that a job or career that meets our financial needs, but not our emotional needs or match our passion is “sweet enough.” We will complain that our friendships, kinships, & situationships don’t always feel the best but because they’re not always all bad that they’re “sweet enough.” We will stay in marriages, relationships, & situationships where there is an absence of intimacy or love, and convince ourselves that all relationships fade over time and become just “sweet enough” to remain in until death do us part or someone gets fed up enough to pull the plug. Life is not meant to be lived in a way that we accept the “best of the worst.” Artificial sweetners are a substitute for REAL sugar but because they’re man made AND fabricated meaning not natural, one might be better than the other even though neither is good for us. Sometimes we stay on jobs and in careers that are unhealthy that make us miserable because we’ve convinced ourselves that it’s better than being unemployed when we probably would be better served by finding the RIGHT job. Sometimes we stay in unhealthy relationships because the stigma associated with divorce, the thought of being alone, and the concerns about what other people will think would be harder to deal with than learning to find the RIGHT one instead of accepting the substitute. Sometimes we say that we want a certain income, to travel, and to live in a certain type of house but because we are unwilling to put in the work, giving up our time and conveniences, we accept that where we are isn’t “that bad.” We often accept substitutes in many areas of our lives. None of the substitutes may be good or healthy for us, but we compare them to other unhealthy people, places, and things (that may have been worse) in order to justify our acceptance of them rather than to abandon the substitute and find the courage to have what we truly want—The REAL THING.

1 Corinthians 2:9

"Rather, as it is written: 'What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”-E. M. Forster

The Perfect '10' - Even Diamonds Have Flaws

A "perfect 10" refers to the highest possible rating (10/10), signifying absolute excellence, flawlessness, or supreme attractiveness. Originating from scoring systems, it is commonly used to describe someone physically stunning or an experience/product that is top-tier suggesting that the something cannot be improved further.  Perfection is a myth. There are NO perfect people, and perfect places or perfect things are left to the assessment of the beholder!

Most things have blemishes, but sometimes you can't see them because someone has worked hard to hide them, cover them, or repair them. Sometimes we attempt to hide blemishes/flaws/faults by ignoring them. We KNOW they're present, but we act as if they're not.

Sometimes we try to cover them up, sort of like applying make-up, but the make-up like alcohol, drugs, shopping excessively, over eating is just a temporary fix to cover up what we don't want to show. Sometimes we repair the blemishes by determining what caused them in the first place. Like when as teens we'd have break outs to occur on our faces when we 'ate too much fried food' or 'drank too many sodas'. Sometimes repairing the blemishes is about examining what goes into our bodies through what we see, hear, absorb and think. We are all flawed and we all have room for growth and improvement. BUT even in our state of imperfection it's important to ensure that we don't allow others to be the measurement of who we are. Sometimes we think that our imperfections, blemishes, and flaws are the reason that we experience feelings of rejection. Sometimes your rejection, denial, or delay has nothing to do with your rejection and EVERYTHING to do with your protection!

Romans 5:3-4

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

“A gem is not polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" — Lucius Seneca

Assumptions: The Communication Killers

To assess means to evaluate or estimate the nature, ability, or quality of something. To assume means to suppose to be the case without proof. Assessing is done based on who the other person is, while assuming is based on who you are! The problem with assuming is that we imagine in our head and imagination becomes our truth — not THE truth but OUR truth.“One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions, and we take our story very personally. Then we blame others and react by sending emotional poison with our word.”(Don Ruiz Miguel) We make assumptions, we believe we are right about our assumptions, we believe we are right about our assumptions, and then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. We even assume we are right about something to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position. When people don’t do what we feel they should (i.e. what we would do) we feel hurt saying things like…“how could they do that” or “you should have known”. The BIGGEST assumption that we make is that everyone sees life as we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and advise the way we advise. Making assumptions is all about thinking. When we think too much the thinking leads to assumptions. Assessing is taking the fear out of communication by asking questions until you’re clear — not until what you think is agreement or acknowledgement for what you feel is reached. With clear communication, all of your relationships will change not only with your partner, but with everyone else. Making assumptions is about you filling in the blanks where you perceive there to be an absence of information. Assessing is about having an attitude of awareness and appreciation for the sum total of who the other person truly is and not just your assumptions about how you see them.

James 1:19

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

“It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.”

-Jonathan Swift

Assumptions: The Communication Killers

To assess means to evaluate or estimate the nature, ability, or quality of something. To assume means to suppose to be the case without proof. Assessing is done based on who the other person is, while assuming is based on who you are! The problem with assuming is that we imagine in our head and imagination becomes our truth — not THE truth but OUR truth.“One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions, and we take our story very personally. Then we blame others and react by sending emotional poison with our word.”(Don Ruiz Miguel) We make assumptions, we believe we are right about our assumptions, we believe we are right about our assumptions, and then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. We even assume we are right about something to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position. When people don’t do what we feel they should (i.e. what we would do) we feel hurt saying things like…“how could they do that” or “you should have known”. The BIGGEST assumption that we make is that everyone sees life as we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and advise the way we advise. Making assumptions is all about thinking. When we think too much the thinking leads to assumptions. Assessing is taking the fear out of communication by asking questions until you’re clear — not until what you think is agreement or acknowledgement for what you feel is reached. With clear communication, all of your relationships will change not only with your partner, but with everyone else. Making assumptions is about you filling in the blanks where you perceive there to be an absence of information. Assessing is about having an attitude of awareness and appreciation for the sum total of who the other person truly is and not just your assumptions about how you see them.

James 1:19

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

“You must stick to your conviction, but be ready to abandon your assumptions.”-Denis Waitley

What Do You See in the Mirror?

Excellence is a habit. Habits of excellence must be developed, cultivated, and practiced daily in order to reach goals and achieve dreams. Hard work, determination, tenacity, and the ability to weather storms and bounce back from disappointments are necessary character traits for establishing habits of excellence. Others may not believe in your dreams, hopes, and wishes but if you have enough faith when others don't, can't, or won't, then you have ALL of the faith that is needed to succeed! Belief in self begins with self!!! End EACH day with a reflection of whether or not your living has resulted in you being your best self on that day. Most of us look in the mirror several times a day and never see our true reflection because we only observe what appears in the mirror. Our outcome, what we achieve and become in life, is developed from our inside-our character, choices, experiences and actions. Assess your shortcomings, faults, and weaknesses in order to improve, develop, mature, and grow! "Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life."(Herbert A. Otto).

Philippians 2:3-4

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others”.

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”-John Wooden

Don’t Miss What’s PRESENTed…AGAIN!

We spend time focusing and verbalizing what we don’t want or don’t like as apart of the discussion about who and what we want to manifest into our life. It’s not possible to think in the negative to attract the positive. You can’t talk about the traits and characteristics that you don’t want in your life based on past experiences, but be unable to define that which you desire. How many times have you said or heard someone say, “I can’t tell you what I want, but I know what I don’t want”? EVERY person, place, and principle that enters our life is designed for an assignment and our thoughts and beliefs about them will determine their impact upon our life. When we take responsibility for our life, it grants us the power to change it. Be aware of the people, places, and principles PRESENTed to you and don’t overlook their opportunity to manifest those things into your life that you’re seeking.They ARE true. The timing IS right. You have all that you need in who or what’s PRESENTed. You have the resources and tools. Let go of the past by forgiving yourself and others for decisions made because you did what you knew to do in the moment. Open up your heart. Expand your thinking. Make room for who or what that is being PRESENTed because you are deserving of what you desire!

Psalm 37:3-5

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

"Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible."

– Corrie ten Boom

Where Does Your Influence Lie?

People in your life will likely add value to you or they will subtract from you which could distract you from your purpose, interfere with your progress, and impact your personal happiness. We often prioritize people in our lives that marginalize and OPTIONalize us in theirs. The footprints upon our hearts that are left by others will either leave a song of joy or trail of sadness. Only you can determine which people in your life, serve in which capacity. Each and every time one of my former students calls out my name from across a room or purposely seeks me out because they’ve spotted me to ask, “do you remember me?” followed by the usual unneeded reminder of what school they attended and what capacity I served them in, I am reminded of the songs that I have left as my footprint, upon many hearts. I am THANKFUL and grateful each day that I can wake up in my RIGHT mind to be of service to others! TRUST me, I choose not to look like what I’m going thru when I’m going through or coming through ! What do the footprints that you leave daily, say about your walk? Only you can determine if you need to take new steps to ensure that your footprints leave song of joy rather than a trail of sadness. If your life is lived only in service to yourself, you’re TRULY missing the point of living!

Hebrews 13:16

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

– James Matthew Barrie

Your Journey: Passion vs Purpose

Passion and Purpose are often used interchangeably, however they are different. Passion is about what you "like" or "love", whereas purpose is about why you exist. YOU must identify your "Personal Purpose Philosophy" in order to assess whether or not you feel that you're living in your purpose. If your "Personal Purpose Philosophy" encompasses the reason for which God designed you to exist, remember that your purpose should be about what God would like for you to do whether you love it or not. Do you often question your purpose and whether you're doing those things that make you happy?Perhaps you should rephrase the question and instead of assessing your purpose based on your wants, needs, desires, and conveniences, consult with God and look for the signs, listen for the hints, and evaluate the relationships that might give you the answer. Passion is self-pleasure and purpose is fulfilling the reason for which you exist, which may or may not bring you personal pleasure. Examine why you exist, what you do, why you do it, and who you do it for! The reason for which you exist MUST be fulfilled regardless of your finances, satisfaction in your relationships, and challenges that you might encounter. Find your life's meaning so that you're not just going thru life's motions.

Proverbs 19:21

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.”

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it."

-Unknown

The Journey to Your Purpose

We have all become familiar with, and in many cases, indoctrinated with buzz phrases about "living on purpose" or "living a purpose driven life". I REGULARLY challenge individuals to define and become very familiar with their "Personal Purpose Philosophy". Philosophy is defined as a particular system of thought. Purpose is defined as the reason for which something exists. What is YOUR system of thought for why YOU exist? Once you define why you believe you exist which would be your "Personal Purpose Philosophy", you can begin to truly assess whether or not the people, places, and principles in your life are allowing you to exist for the "right" reason!

Galatians 6:9

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose. “ -Robert Byrne

Leave Behind What Can’t Go Forward!

Everything that represents ANTI-breakthrough in your life, MUST break! Sometimes you won’t have the words to pray, but when it’s your time and your turn, God will provoke the breakthrough! Our breakthroughs can only occur through obedience. When we RELEASE the should have beens, could have beens, would have beens, and what ifs in our lives, we open ourselves up to receive what God truly has in store for us! STOP trying to rewrite the story for your life and follow the script that God has already prepared for you! LET GO of the people, places, and principles that have brought you grief, pain, suffering, and stagnation and RECEIVE the people, places, and principles that will bring new opportunities, options, resources, prosperity, and peace into your life! STOP trying to go back! STOP trying to bring along and carry the ones that are to be left behind! EVERYONE isn’t apart of your ALWAYS forever plan! Sometimes the breakthrough can’t occur without the break-up, break down, and breakout!

Isaiah 43:18-19

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”-Seneca

EVERYDAY IS A Gift

Everyday should be an occasion of giving thanks and for treating others with kindness and deference, and not just days that have been identified as holidays and holy days. There will be MANY individuals throughout the holidays that will spend it in solitude because "they have nobody". There will be others that will spend it with "attitude" because they refuse to make amends with someone that has hurt and offended them, ignoring the fact that they will not be granted a forever in order to make wrongs right. Most people that hold grudges and malice in their heart towards others often times forget the source of their hostility and bitterness and hold onto the principle that their pride is worth not speaking to or forgiving the one that hurt them. Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Don't miss the chance to heal ALL unresolved issues while you still have the opportunity!

Ephesians 4:31-32

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".

“The fiercest anger of all, the most incurable, is that which rages in the place of dearest love. “

-Euripides

Being Forgiving Doesn’t Make You Forgetful

I am often presented with questions about how to "forgive and forget" usually because the person that is being asked to forget the other person's transgressions is struggling with reaching their own plateau- "A relatively stable level, period, or state" of healing. A HUGE part of the getting to the healing is the misnomer that in order to reach a state of forgiveness that it must be simultaneously accompanied with forgetfulness! UNTRUE! It's unreasonable to think that individuals that have experienced hurtful, disrespectful, traumatic events inside of their relationships will some how magically erase them from their minds. Just as we remember the happy, positive, exciting experiences in our lives we also remember the ones that don't bring us joy. Remembering is not the issue, not moving past experiences that cause us pain is. Oftentimes getting to healing becomes difficult because we continue to look to others for our closure! If a person has repeatedly hurt you by doing the same things over and over, why are you surprised when they're too prideful to talk through the issue and truly work toward resolution for you both, and healing for you? Despite the other person's unwillingness to talk, explain, apologize, or acknowledge the offenses and hurt that YOU feel, YOUR feelings are valid! The notion that you must forget in order to forgive is as mythical as a Pete's dragon, just as is the notion that forgiveness is for the other person. Forgiveness is for YOU! Repeatedly revisiting the hurtful things that have been done to you produces hormonal responses that impact your ability to slow down and maintain a normal level of stress hormones. The presence of unforgiveness impacts your physical, mental, and emotional health AND allows the other person to maintain an element of control over you! Find a way to release any unforgiveness that you might be harboring without the expectation that you will get the apology or acknowledgement that you feel you should. You can't change the past, you can't get a do over, but you can learn the lessons in every situation. Although you don't have to Forget to Forgive, you MUST move on to be your better, healthy, happy self!

Matthew 6:14

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you".

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” -Mahatma Gandhi

Guard Your Gates

When we are born, our minds are a clean slate. EVERY download (thought, value, belief, idea)that we receive during our formative years is given to us by the PEOPLE(parents, family, teachers, clergy), PLACES (churches, schools, travel),and THINGS (television,social media, internet) that we are exposed to. Our decisions, habits, character, and behaviors are directly shaped by the downloads. The downloads of others, and eventually the downloads that we choose can become an overload if we’re not aware of their origin and impact upon our choices. As we go through life, making decisions can become more challenging because we must take responsibility and ownership of what we decide, regardless of what we’ve been taught and told.“Guard Your Gates”! WHERE you go, WHO you know, WHAT you view, WHEN you speak, and WHY you seek has been shaped by your downloads. Make certain that you regulate what you consume ontop of what you’ve been taught and told. MOST importantly make certain that the downloads that remain apart of who you are as an adult, have included erasing all of the those that no longer serve a purpose in your life or add value to WHO you are, WHERE you go, WHO you know, WHAT you view, WHEN you speak, and WHY you seek before they cause you to overload and short circuit!

Proverbs 4:23

“Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life."

“Stand guard at the door of your mind every day."– Jim Rohn

The Identity Tag

The roles that we occupy do not necessarily define our character, traits, or abilities. I FREQUENTLY encounter individuals that expect people to conduct themselves a “certain” way because of the role that they occupy in their lives(i.e. parent, child, spouse, mate, friend, sibling). When we use words like “should” and ”ought” in relation to how we think individuals should conduct themselves based on the role that they occupy in our lives, we set ourselves up to be disappointed. When we look at role expectations based on “societal” points of view we are likely to become disappointed, hurt, angry, and even bitter when a person’s behavior is not aligned with what we think the behaviors should or should not consist of. We are ALL imperfect beings and are INCAPABLE of always saying and doing what’s right, acceptable, and pleasing to everyone in our lives at all times. Sometimes we will do or not do things that we don’t even have a personal explanation or justification for. We will offend and hurt others oftentimes unintentionally and without malice that they may never forgive us for. Personal growth is about meeting your own expectations for being and becoming your best self by 1)acknowledging your flaws, 2)apologizing for your offenses, and 3)being reflective enough to make the changes that make you a better and more whole individual so that you can move forward to your future opportunities instead of staying stuck in your past decisions and choices. Be careful about defining who you think people and their behaviors should be based on their role in your life because you run the risk of having expectations of them that someday they just won’t live up to, because they’re HUMAN. Look at the sum total of who a person is instead of defining them based on the times that they disappointed and hurt you UNLESS they have refused to change their behaviors and who they currently are, just doesn’t work in your life.

Ephesians 4:32

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

“Heal so you can hear what’s being said without the filter of your wound.”– Unknown

Don't Miss Your Connector

Who and what are you connected to? Anything that is successful happens as the result of a connection! We must seek to be interconnected, as our gifts and talents alone are not typically the only part to the success equation. God places gifts in all of us that cannot prosper until we find the "God" connection that is needed to make them successful. Connections happen in three ways through our HEARTS-Wherever your treasure is, so will your heart be, our HEADS-Similar thinking people, similar values, similar ideology, and our HANDS-Working together in common labor. We become like what we are connected to! If you want an indication of your future possibilities, look at your current connections! If you don't like what you see, DISCONNECT from whatever you need to unplug from and RECONNECT to a new person, place, or thing that holds the connections to your future successes!

Proverbs 27:17

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.”-Dean Ornish

BE the Light

We often get so caught up in our own comings and goings that we make excuses about “not calling”, “not going”, “not being”, and “not showing up” in the lives of individuals that we say that we admire, like, and love! EACH of us carries the ability to light parts of the Universe with love, kindness, generosity, our time, talents, and abilities. Unfortunately for many, we put off the “doing” because we always think we’ll have time, at another time. Take the time NOW to “BE the Light” in someone’s life. You never know how much your call, your smile, your touch, or your presence will mean to someone that may need you more than you’ll ever know. God will ALWAYS send us exactly who we need, in the moment that we need them but he ALSO requires us to carry the light in us, that others need. ”To whom much is given, much is required” (Luke12:48). We aren’t as busy as we say and think we are or as busy as the excuses that we use that prevent us from truly being present to those that matter. Prioritize who matters in your life, so that your actions don’t communicate to them that they’re not as significant as you claim that they are! Make sure that you’re never too busy to answer the call that might require you to “BE the Light” in the life of others because you never know when you’ll need someone to “BE the Light” for you.

Philippians 2:4

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?”

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

All You Gotta Do Is Move Something

Life isn’t about the things that happen to us-the good, bad, or ugly, but about our attitude about the things that happen to us. Life will always have stumbling blocks-an obstacle, hindrance, or cause of difficulty that trips someone up or impedes their path direction, or progress. Life will also present us with stepping stones-an event , experience, or person that helps us advance or achieve something else. In the literal sense, both blocks and stones can appear as rocks and can be used to create a pathway and to trip us up. It’s our responsibility to determine whether or not the blocks and stones of our lives that we encounter are there to stop something and that can be a person, place, or thought or there to propel us towards something else. Stumbling blocks may slow us down while stepping stones may keep us moving. It’s your responsibility to examine the rocks in your life and that’s people, places, and thoughts to determine whether they’re present to stop something from happening in you life or to propel you towards something happening in your life. What stumbling blocks in your life need to be moved or removed so that they don’t prevent you from getting to the stepping stones of your next season…and that’s people, places, and thoughts?

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!

"The only person that ever stumbles is a guy moving forward. You don't stumble backwards; you stumble forward, and you never stumble when you're stationary." - James Carville

Acknowledgement Is NOT Acceptance

Often times when we communicate our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to others we assume that because they have acknowledged what we have said, that they have accepted what we have said. Acknowledging is simply a courtesy that is extended to communicate that you have been heard. Accepting means that what you have said has been heard AND is agreed upon by the other person. Misunderstandings are more likely to occur when someone misinterprets a head nod or verbal acknowledgement(i.e. "Yes, I heard you") as an agreement. When you communicate with the expectation that the degree to which you are valued by the person that you are talking with is tied to their belief in what you are saying, you WILL be disappointed. How a person feels about YOU as a person may not be the same sentiment that they have about whatever topic you are discussing(i.e. They can like who you are and dislike what you're saying).When you communicate from the perspective that every communication will NOT result in a consensus, you are more likely to be content with the outcome of the conversation and less likely to walk away feeling hurt, misunderstood, devalued and disrespected!

James 1:19

“Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak, and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters.”

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." -Nelson Mandela

Life 101:Things Happen

There WILL be times in life when things will not go well and you WILL experience disappointments and discouragement. Fatigue, frustration, failures, and fear can cause our faith to waiver, but are NOT fatal!

Steps to Surviving Life 101:

1. Reorganize- Break life down into manageable parts that consist of measurable goals. Excess on our things-to-do lists can become overwhelming, so scratch through some of the stuff on the list and move it onto the not-to-do lists.

2. Resist-Don't succumb to life's challenges by taking life by lying down. Fight for what you want out of life! Utilize life's challenges to motivate you and propel you forward! Resist the temptation to feel sorry for yourself when things don't go as you plan!

3. Restore- Get the right perspective because your perspective becomes your reality. Speak what you wish to live instead of only speaking what you're living.

4. Rest- Slow down so that you don't break down and rejuvenate for the next phase of the journey.

Romans 12:12 

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

"All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there."-Unknown

Get Out of Your Way!

We often think that two different emotions CANNOT co-exist to the point that we don’t show ourselves grace when they do. You can be grateful to have had a person in your life AND be sad that they’re no longer in your life. You can be thankful to be alive and still be sad that an illness altered the way that you look or feel! You can be blessed that you’re in your right mind and woke up, and still feel depressed in a moment. You can feel excited for the opportunity to parent through adoption and still feel disappointed that you don’t have a biological child. You can feel happy to be around family during the holiday and still desire peace and solitude. You can love someone and still set boundaries and choose not to interact with them regularly or at all. Two different emotions can exist at the same time. Show yourself some grace. Stop criticizing yourself when you feel conflicted over your emotions and learn to lean into them, allow them the time and space needed for you to process them. Find closure for the things that are keeping you uncompromising, uncooperative, unyielding, uncaring, unproductive, and unaccommodating. Stop talking to your friends and family members about your emotions because the only validation for how you feel, comes from you. AND if you’ve never been to therapy, please place it at the top of your to-do-list if you truly want to develop into a better version of yourself no matter how many trips around the sun you’ve already had!

2 Timothy 1:7

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control”

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward.”– Roy T. Bennet

Today IS My One Day

Have you ever dreamt with your eyes wide open, imagining the possibilities and opportunities that life has yet to offer? We often put off those things that we dream about because we use the excuses of not having 1)the time, 2)the energy, 3)the resources, or 4)the knowledge and skills. What if we decided to remove the greatest barrier that prevents us from pursuing our dreams...OUR FEARS? What if we decided to seize every opportunity and take every chance, because the only true failure lies in not trying? What if we decided to make “today” that “one day” that we talk about as the day when our wildest dreams become our reality? You will never accomplish the things that you’re unwilling to pursue! Write out your goals and make them SMART(Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, & Timely). EVERYDAY proclaim that “Today IS My One Day”, and eliminate the fears, distractions, and excuses that prevent you from pursuing and achieving your goals. Every minute of every day that IS NOT spent pursuing your goals, takes you further away from achieving your goals!

Proverbs 16:3

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans”

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." — Michelangelo

Having Vision vs Chasing a Dream

Everyone experiences some degree of failure as they pursue their dreams. Failure is temporary, as long as we continue to pursue the dream. Giving up, is permanent. Once you abandon your willingness and desire to pursue your vision, you certainly cannot achieve it. What you seek must be in alignment with what you see. Vision is the ability to imagine how something could develop in the future. Ability is the mental or physical power or skill needed to do something. Imagine is to form or have a mental picture or idea of something or someone. Develop is to bring or come into existence. Vision is how you see it, imagine is how you dream it, ability is what you need to create it, and developing is how you do it! Having vision is about your ability helps develop what you imagine for your future.

Tips to Make Your Vision a Reality

1. Focus on the vision, focus determines direction.

2. Search scripture; finding a scripture that supports your vision will increase the likelihood that it's part of God’s purpose for you as opposed to your desires for yourself.

3. Expect the unexpected, the unimaginable, and the outrageous!!! Don’t place limits on what you’re purposed to do because of fears, lack of money, lack of support or resources.

4. Be realistic; you will encounter challenges because a God purpose ALWAYS comes against ungodly opposition.

5. Don't forget how big God is; don't put limits on his ability because you put limits on your thinking!

Habakkuk 2:2-3

“The vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay"

“Vision without execution is hallucination." -Unknown

Choose Your Words Carefully

When individuals are conflict avoidant or have an inability to evidence emotional intelligence, they often misconstrue the difference between conversations and communication and conflict and confrontation. A conversation is an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions or ideas and communication is the process of transmitting information to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas using words, signs, or behaviors from one person to another. Conflict is the underlying disagreement or clash of interests, while confrontation is the direct, often hostile or argumentative, action taken to address a conflict that often involves violence. You don’t have to turn a conversation into a conflictual or confrontational communication. The opportunity to express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions doesn’t require you to become defensive or to prepare for battle, listen only to respond, or to rebuke, refute, repel, or resist the views of others. “Choose your words carefully “. The next time that you feel the need to communicate your views, be aware of your intentions. Are you preparing for a communal and peaceful exchange of ideas, feelings, and thoughts or is your mind a battlefield that encourages you to wage a war towards others by using words that intimidate, insult, infect, and injure?

Proverbs 12:18

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." 

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools speak because they have to say something.” -Unknown

All The Things You Should Have Done

Oftentimes, I encounter couples in which at least one person has been vocal throughout their history about their individual wants, needs, and desires. Other times I encounter couples in which at least one individual was incapable, unable, or unwilling to communicate their individual wants, needs, and desires. Many times I encounter individuals that have arrived at the place and point of no return because somebody's or in many cases, everybody's individual wants, needs, and desires have gone unanswered, unaddressed, and unmet! Sometimes in the reflection of things gone wrong, someone or everyone is left to contemplate what they did or did not do to contribute to the demise of the relationship. When your date, mate, partner, or spouse expresses to you their individual wants, needs, and desires but you ignore them because you don't comprehend them, like them, agree with them, or find them necessary-DON'T be surprised when they announce the end of the relationship, marriage or SITUATIONship and you're left to ponder "All The Things You Should Have Done" when you had the chance! Get it right while you can so that you're not the one holding the bag of regrets!

Romans 12:9

“Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them"

"I should've bought you flowers and held your hand, should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance, take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance"-Bruno Mars

The Domino Effect

It's important to remember that certain words such as insults, accusations, affronts and condemnation DO NOT add value to communication and more often than not, can probably be identified as the first domino in the Domino Effect that results in all other other dominos being knocked down. When conflict occurs, each involved party usually attempts to identify the words or actions that resulted in the conversation morphing into an argument. If your hurl an accusation or insult, chances are, you will be returned one or two in kind. When people feel backed into corners, they tend to emerge in fight mode. Typically, the very person that pushed that first domino, ends up being the most offended and having the least understanding as to how they got to the current state of discord. Peaceless people will expect others to surrender but when people are hurt, the unfortunate innate response is to hurt the one that hurt you. The offender usually has an unspoken expectation that no matter how hurtful their words, the other person should be big enough not to "fight fire with fire." Restrain, relinquish, and retreat in the midst of an argument, because most arguments are nonproductive and draining. Step away from the conflict until a conversation can be had that brings resolve. Put your mind in gear, before you put your mouth in motion. Words have power and are usually a reflection of what is going on inside of you. DON'T be the one to push the first domino that causes the whole thing to collapse!

Matthew 12:37

"For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned".

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but remember to leave the wrong thing unsaid -Benjamin Franklin

Be The Life Raft

A colleague of mine shared a story of a young man that he encountered, who like many have had a hard upbringing and is experiencing some major challenges in his life including being under educated. In a brief 15 minute conversation, this young man opened up about his life and most importantly, his dreams for his future. My colleague provided the young man with his business card and encouraged him to contact him, "if he could ever be of service." I can only imagine the support and love that the young man felt from an imperfect perfect stranger that took a moment of his life to pour into someone in need. We quickly offer our assistance to people that we know. When is the last time that you slowed down long enough to listen to someone that just might need you much more than the people in your life that have access or know how to access resources? Most people don't choose poverty, unemployment, to be uneducated or under educated and given the opportunity would much rather be productive, self-sufficient, contributing members of their communities. Sow into a stranger today with you time, talents, or tokens. You never know how impactful and life saving your random and selfless act could be to someone in need. You just might "Be The Life Raft" that starts the domino effect that changes the world.

Philippians 2:4

“Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

“Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time.” -Marian Wright Edelman

Communication Killers

Oftentimes we KNOWINGLY shut down communications with others because of a refusal to engage in a conversation, by leaving the presence of the person that we are conversing with(i.e. Walking out of the room and being unresponsive), or by changing the subject to something other than what is being discussed. Other times we are not as aware of our unwillingness to communicate because we don't say that we won't engage in certain conversations, but instead put the person off by stating that we will revisit the conversation at a later time, whether we truly intend to revisit it or not! Many times we are so distracted by life, social media, and other concerns and worries that we intend to have certain conversations that we never circle back around to. And then of course there's the old silent treatment, when we want to respond to what is being said or asked of us but realize that to respond will likely result in a conflict that we'd rather avoid, so we say nothing. And let's not forget the "distraction tactic" of deflecting or using attacks towards the other person to totally disrupt the conversation that is at hand! Regardless of the manner in which we use to avoid a conversation (i.e. Changing the topic, leaving the room, remaining silent, or attacking the other person) we are likely utilizing a "Communication Killer" that is likely to promote future barriers to communication, increase conflict, and minimize the opportunity to sustain healthy and thriving relationships. The state of fear is a "Communication Killer" because it causes us to focus on how someone might perceive or react to what we want to say and therefore we remain silent at times when we should speak! I encourage you to practice Don Miguel's 1st Agreement, "Be Impeccable With Your Word"! You're not responsible for how or if the other person will respond to what you find it NECESSARY to say. Your responsibility lies in saying what you need to say, in a way that is respectful and not intentionally hurtful! Remember that how you feel, is how you feel and NO ONE can tell you what to feel or not to feel! Avoid using a "Communication Killer" by using your voice to express your needs, concerns, and feelings in a manner that is respectful, helpful, and healthy!

Colossians 4:6

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone".

“First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”- Epictetus

Slaying Your Dragons

Oftentimes our FEAR of those things that we don't know, can't explain, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, can't control cement us to non progression! “Slaying dragons" is a metaphor for confronting and conquering difficult challenges that are external obstacles or internal struggles like fear, anxiety, or self-doubt. We have to stop worrying in anticipation of what could go wrong, what has gone wrong, and what wrong might be coming next. Deal with the here and now of life and control those things that you can, which DON'T include any other person's thoughts, ideas, beliefs, or behaviors. Don't be afraid of your past decisions that you have identified as mistakes. Mistakes are the lessons that are placed in our life to grow us up, not mow us down. If you make a decision and discover that it's not the right decision for the current moment in your life, just make a new decision. Slay your dragons of apprehension, aversion, and procrastination, so that life's options, and that’s people, places, and things- don't miss the opportunity to bring you eagerness, expectation, and excitement. Don’t allow one past choice or decision to keep you shackled to your fears. Go forth and be exceptional, extraordinary, and excellent despite every dragon trying to break free of its cage to attack your mind.

1 Corinthians 2:9

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. “- Unknown

Mind The Gap

Mind the gap" is an iconic warning for the London Underground tube station(train system),to be aware of the gap between the train and the platform edge when stepping on and off the train to avoid injury. The safety warning heard at London Underground stations was first introduced in 1968/1969 and is now found on both visual signs and recorded announcements at numerous stations across the network. Upon entering the train station, my son and I were both very aware of the signs prominently displayed around the station almost reading them aloud simultaneously, in the form of wonderment and questioning. As we rode the train, I couldn’t help but focus on the repeated announcement to “mind the gap” when exiting. Do you know your gap fillers? What do you do in your downtime, spare time, chill time? When you wake in the morning or you have “downtime” during your day, do you reach for social media more than you reach for reputable resources to help you become a better person? When there’s discourse between you and a partner, spouse, colleague or friend do you communicate with others about the relationship instead of fixing it with the person that it’s broken with? Are you making a positive impact in the lives of others and our world or are you more concerned with how you ride, what you can buy, where you reside, your brand, status, social media presence and fake likes from folk that don’t know you and may not like you? “Mind the Gap” is a warning for you to review how you spend your time and what you’re investing in and that’s people, places, and things. Warnings are our signals of caution to prevent or preempt dangerous situations, choices, behaviors, and decisions. When we are not occupied with productive activities our mind is more likely to wander to negative, mischievous, or harmful thoughts and actions, making us more vulnerable to temptation and negative influences because we’re not engaged in positive or useful pursuits. Make sure to heed the warnings in your life because it might just save you from injury. Remember…”Mind the Gap”!

Proverbs 16:27-28

“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece.An evil man sows strife; gossip separates the best of friends.”

“Your worst enemy is idle time."- Nipsey Hussle

Thoughts Become Things

What do you allow others to transmit into your mind that prevents you from transforming your thoughts and your living?

Transmission is the act or process by which something is spread or passed from one person or thing to another. Transformation is a complete or major change in someone's or something's appearance, form, etc. You can't change what others think or say, but you can certainly change the way that you view what they think or say. Be careful about filling your mind with other people's thoughts. Know when to leave folk behind that have your problem, in order to seek out folk that have your solution! Elevate your thoughts by changing your circle, your attitude, and your choices! Don't allow the transmissions of others to keep you from transforming into your best self EVERY day!

Proverbs 18:2

"Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”

"Since everything is a reflection of our minds, everything can be changed by our minds."

— Unknown 

Reasonable IS Relative

People may attempt to convince you that's your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions are unreasonable if they are not aligned with theirs. The question of how "reasonable" things are is relative to the individuals experiencing a shared situation. There will always be an assessment of the degree to which a thing is reasonable; first by the person attempting to convince someone and next by the person that one seeks to convince. The odds are fifty-fifty that one person will NOT see the belief, behavior, thought, or comment as reasonable. Being unable to convince someone of your perspective does not necessarily make it unreasonable, but simply evidences that no two people think exactly alike. Although we are more similar than we are different, we often have bias towards others, many times without being aware that the bias exists because we judge them for not thinking, acting, or being like us! Avoid being viewed as unreasonable by others by remembering that you cannot convince someone to believe in something that they don't already believe in. A person must arrive at their own conclusions about things that they don't subscribe to and NO amount of tears, coercion, manipulation, threats, or pleas will get them to the point of understanding your position, before they are prepared to arrive there! Sometimes it’s better to keep silent rather than to tell others what you feel because it may only hurt you to know they can hear you but can’t or choose not to understand your perspective!

Proverbs 18:13

“He who answers a matter before hears it, is both a fool and is put to shame".

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Be an Avenger, Not a Revenger!

Most of us will encounter at LEAST one situation in our lives that will require us to make the decision as to whether or not the "wrong" that that has been done to us is worth forging the "good fight" or if walking away from it, is the path of least resistance. Revenge is harming someone in return for a perceived wrong, driven by personal emotions like anger and a desire for retribution, payback. Most of us will encounter at LEAST one unjust demotion, termination, elimination, misappropriation, and violation throughout our lives. Most of us will encounter at LEAST one time when we won't get promoted after working diligently, going above and beyond the call of duty, and feeling underpaid and overworked. Most of us will encounter at LEAST one injustice-an inequity, wrong, or unfairness in our life in which we must decide whether we are willing to take a stand and fight the good fight, to right the wrong. To avenge is the act of seeking retribution or justice for a wrong, often by punishing the wrongdoer. When we avenge a wrong, the fight is less about us, and more about those that will come after us who may not have the courage, understanding, or wherewithal to fight their own battles. Sometimes the fight is an injustice that has been done to us but the justice is about who we prevent, preempt, and prohibit from harming someone else and “The best thing about the worst time of your life is that you get to see the true colors of everyone."-Unknown

2 Thessalonians 1:6

“God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you.”

“Karma is not a punishment, it's a consequence. Choose wisely." -Unknown

Am I Going the Right Way?

There are entire generations that will NEVER know what it’s like to be on a road trip, relying on a map for directions, that find themselves lost, that have to stop and knock on the door of or pull over at an unknown convenience store in an unfamiliar place because they have no cellphone to ask a perfect stranger, “Am I going the right way?” There was a time when we relied on people that we didn’t even know to give us directions about where we were headed. We relied on our faith, prayers, and their word to get us to our destination. Nowadays, it can feel as if the people that you know and trust or that are at least familiar (community leaders) don’t always point you in the right direction, give you proper guidance, withhold information, or just flat out lie to you. In order to continue to believe that there are still many good people in this world, we must find the ability to emit good into the world. It’s not always easy to maintain a positive outlook when the world around you feels negative or you encounter individuals that seem unmoved, unhappy, unresponsive unemotional, and unsympathetic. As we encounter our own trials, triggers, trauma, and tragedies we must find the ability to view them as “valley moments”…evolutionary, temporary, transient, and transformative! When you find yourself wandering and wondering, “Am I going the right way?” know that every answer to every question that lives inside of you is already inside of you. When you need assistance make sure that you’re using the RIGHT GPS, search engine, and wise counsel for guidance because everyone that you ask for help, can’t get you where you’re going!

Deuteronomy 28:29

“At midday you will grope about like a blind person in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you”.

“Sometimes it takes a wrong turn to get you to the right place.”-Mandy Hale

Its Over, Fall Back

Earlier this week, God spoke LOUDLY into my spirit…”IT’S OVER…FALL BACK”! On the first Sunday in November we “Fall Back” in observance of Daylight Saving Time so quite naturally I thought of the fact that we had just experienced turning the clocks back on Sunday, November 2nd as the reason the words were resonating so intensely with me…NOT! A “Fall Back” can be something on which one can depend on as a back up plan. To “Fall Back” can also mean to retreat, as in RUN AWAY! In thinking about the “It’s Over” part of the message I wondered what God was speaking of, as I thought it was specific to me and something I’ve been dealing with. So I waited. Over the past 4 days and 30 clients there has been an overwhelming theme of “OVERS happening in folks’ lives”! I’ve had clients that are OVERwhelmed, OVERthinkers, OVERcommitted, OVERused, OVERrun, OVERspending, OVERworked, OVEReating, OVERindulging, OVERcaring, OVERspending, OVERloving, and OVERdue(stayed too long in toxic relationships, paid debts late, etc)! Oftentimes we have things in our lives that we need to move on from because “It’s Over” as in you’re doing too much of it and instead we “Fall Back”(use as a back up plan) into the very people, places, and things that we’re trying to get over. Falling back into what you know and keeping it as a back up plan can be easier than doing a new thing, even when we need to “Fall Back”(runaway or retreat)from the very thing that we are doing too much of. Assess whether or not you’re falling back into somethings that you should be getting over! Just because you gain another hour, it doesn’t mean it should be used to do more of the same. Perhaps the extra hour is to give you a jumpstart to do a new thing that allows you to start…OVERcoming and OVERflowing so that you become OVERfilled, OVERcompensated, and OVERjoyed!

Proverbs 4:25

"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you”.'

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” — Oprah Winfrey

No One Can Give You Anything That They Don’t Have

Be careful about how you receive the advice that you are given. Even though the people in your life may genuinely care about you and your well-being, they may never fully understand the decisions and choices that you must make. People give us advice based on who they are and not who we are. We often seek advice or receive unsolicited advice from individuals that have not walked in our shoes. How can a person that is single and NEVER been married give you advice on how to stay married? How can a person that has never had nor wants children give you advice on how to raise your kids? Be careful of soliciting advice from others about your problems, issues, and concerns. You are equipped to discover your own solutions, but when you need a supportive ear or second opinion; make sure that you seek "wise counsel" which may include going to “the couch”. Some people's opinions should be taken with a grain of salt, fall on deaf ears, and received for what it is...a recommendation and not a mandate. Seeking or receiving advice from individuals that could not possibly understand, empathize, or appreciate your circumstances is just like going to a nappy headed barber for a fresh clean cut. Wouldn’t you question whether someone can give you what they don't appear to have or have experienced? And MOST importantly, remember that you don't need someone else to "fix your life" because you must take responsibility for the choices and decisions that must be made to change your situations, circumstances, problems, and issues!!!!

Proverbs 12:5

“The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.”

“Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own”.-Bruce Lee

Limited and Exclusive

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Each day we ALL encounter life’s daily trials, tribulations, joys, and blessings. We encounter things that are unexpected, unanticipated, and unwanted. We have the responsibility to decide whether or not the stuff in our lives is positively or negatively influencing who we are becoming. Humans are creatures of habit. We tend to do what we do because it has become our habit. We gravitate towards the people in our lives and our circle because at some point, they made the circle seem complete. Even as the shape of the circle appears to be altered by offenses, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, and disrespect we justify why it’s ok to allow them to remain apart of our inner circle...”I do love her/him”, “Maybe it’s me”, “S/he comes from a dysfunctional family”. At a certain point, life ends. Too often we exist, rather than live, going through the motions of life but not being fulfilled by who and what surrounds us. A relationship is only viewed as a failure, if you choose to view it that way. You can choose to look at every relationship that ends as having run its course. We don’t necessarily grow apart, sometimes we grow in different directions and sometimes one person grows while the other doesn’t grow at all. At the end of the day you MUST decide if the relationships, friendships, kinships, and SITUATIONships in your life are a healthy step on your journey and if they’re encouraging you to live and not just exist, and to grow and not remain stagnant! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make decisions that will allow you to be your best self and realize that through your growth journey, everyone that’s been sitting in your theatre of life CANNOT remain on your front row. After all, somebody has to occupy the balcony, the popcorn line, and the ticket line on the outside of the theatre where the remaining tickets to enter are LIMITED and EXCLUSIVE! Require people to EARN the right to sit on your front row. Be exclusive. Be priceless. And MOST importantly,“STOP giving VIP access to general admission Ni99a7s”(A. London Arrington).

Proverbs 13:20

“He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."

“She remembered who she was and the game changed”-Lalah Delia

I’m Sick of This Ship, I’m an Ark Builder

We ALL have things that we sometimes put together that we second guess and even regret. Due to widespread wickedness, God decided to send a great flood to destroy His “greatest regret “ALL of humanity, in the story of Noah. God displayed his disappointment for what he created by making the decision to destroy it. God found favor with Noah and we have no evidence that Noah prayed for or sacrificed for God’s favor. God visited Noah and discussed that because of the favor upon his life, that his family too would be covered. The favor of God is a hereditary disease! God gave Noah an assignment WITHOUT an example when he was instructed to build the ark! We have to learn to have faith in God about things that we didn’t want and didn’t pray for(dishonesty, deception, disruption). God will make his plan for your life, your obligation which may include unwanted assignments and that’s people, places, and things. We may have to defend ourselves against that which attacks us. When it feels like you’ve been working towards something (building the ark), but nothing is moving forward (floating in the ark longer than it’s been raining), and nothing seems to be turning around for your good(you’ve been stuck in the storm), remember that it took 100 years for Noah to build the ark, it rained 40 days and 40 nights while on the ark and the water didn’t recede for 150 days AFTER the storm ended! Sometimes you may feel trapped in your assignment...it feels uncomfortable, you feel undervalued but must have mustard seed faith that what you’ve been assigned to, WON’T devour you! Sometimes you WILL be inconvenienced by your faith to the point that you are questioning if your circumstances are of God or did you talk and walk yourself into something! What happens when you’re obedient and God is silent? What happens when God sends a STORM at the completion of your assignment as confirmation of your obedience? The storm is to demonstrate that you were built for the assignment! God never said anything to Noah after he built the ark or collected the animals. God never acknowledged, or praised him. All God did was SHUT THE DOOR! It’s not until the door got shut that the rain fell and the ark started to float. Sometimes the shut door is confirmation that what you’ve been praying for is about to manifest, because something else needed to be removed and replaced in order for you to be replenished! Sometimes you just have to believe that no matter how long you’re in something(the flood),God will take care of you! God is tired of the folk who are trying to ride with you, who wouldn’t build with you, who lied on and to you, and spitefully misused you. Even when we don’t know how long it’s going to be, can you have faith that God will ENSURE that you will weather the storms? God sent a rainbow as a covenant with Noah and all living creatures, promising never to destroy the earth with a flood again. That’s NOT to say that there won’t continue to be storms in our lives. As we learn our lessons and accept our assignments from God and not man, the storms will look different and the rainbows WILL come, but He won’t send THAT same flood again and hopefully you won't going looking for it! Faith is looking UP even when all that surrounds you is water, and you feel like you’re drowning!

Psalm 46:1

“God is our refuge ans strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”

- Benjamin Franklin

Shots Fired

Roulette is defined as something involving a high degree of chance and unpredictability and emotional is defined as to experience and express feelings, or emotions. Emotional Roulette is the risky habit of letting an unpredictable person play with your feelings, hoping for love while risking being emotionally destroyed. If the relationships, friendships, and kinships that you are involved in tend to leave you feeling emotionally disheveled and bankrupt, physically drained or ill, or displaying unattractive or outside of your normal character traits, perhaps you are engaged in a game of Emotional Roulette! You might be engaged in a game of Emotional Roulette:

1) If one or both of you keeps bringing up old dirt, and the fights keep getting worse(Jaheim)

2)When the names that you refer to one another as either directly or behind each other's backs, are not remotely similar to the name given at birth and don't sound close to loving or affectionate

3)Manipulation is at the center of the relationship and either you or your partner or both use tactics of coercion or manipulation instead of displaying healthy interactions that are for the good of the relationship

4)Threats, disguised as promises, are the topic of most arguments and tend to leave one or both individuals with an uncertainty that the relationship is stable or salvageable

5)Feelings are often minimized and accusations of being "too sensitive" or "exaggerating " become the focus of the discussion instead of the feelings that were being expressed, resulting in the one expressing their concern to become defensive and feel unsupported

Your emotional health and stability are YOUR responsibility. If you place your emotional health in someone else's hands, don't be offended, surprised, or shocked when the other person continues to pull the trigger, emptying a round each time that they hurl an insult or hurt your way. Finally when there's only one bullet left in the chamber because you've dodged them up to this point, you must decide whether to get out of the game of Emotional Roulette or whether to continue in the game until the final shot is fired, in hopes that you will be able to recover...AGAIN!

Proverbs 26:4

"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him”

“Some loves teach you how to hold on. The hardest ones teach you how to finally let go,"

-Unknown

Your Drama Brings Your Karma

I often hear people say that "Grief and death bring out the worst in people". But it's people being who they are, that make daily living including grief, even worse than they already are. People are EXACTLY who they are no matter where you take them, place them, or elevate them. Who they are has NOTHING to do with whatever excuse they're using to justify their behavior. I have heard of more family's engaged over squabbles about money that the deceased person worked to accumulate, left upon their death, and now has the remaining family members no longer speaking to each other about, than ever before. The excuses that people use to justify their thievery in an attempt to quiet their conscience is UNBELIEVABLE and rarely doable because you’re the only person that you can’t run and hide from. People that will lie to you, will steal from you, and lie on you. People that can lie down at night and sleep soundly KNOWING that their friends or family members have stolen or are stealing someone else's inheritance MUST not understand the Law of Karma. In Hinduism and Buddhism, karma is known as the sum of a person's actions throughout their life, believed to determine their fate AND the fate of their loved ones in the future. It never ceases to amaze me that people think they can do ill to, steal from, and inflict emotional harm onto others but continue to be blessed as they proudly take their positions in the penthouse, look out the window of their corner offices, bring the word of God from the pulpit, make decisions as a part of a governing board, or reign from the White House.

People that have nasty dispositions, cantankerous spirits, ill motives, or have plain lowdown and dirty ways are just that...nasty, ill willed, cantankerous, and lowdown and JUST because you're related, married to, friends with, and associate with them does not mean that they will treat you any better than if the opportunity presents itself. How people treat you is their karma; how you react to it is yours.

Galatians 6:7

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

“Karma is also called the Law of Cause and Effect, Action and Reaction and: as you sow, so shall you reap”. -Sham Hinduja

Peace in the Midst of Problems

Peace is not the absence of trouble, it's the presence of God in your life. In most situations, there are ALWAYS problems before the fulfillment of a promise(labor and delivery before birth, educational challenges before careers and financial security, experiences and disappointments in order to build meaningful relationships, and hard work before any type of promotion). Unless we learn to FULLY AND COMPLETELY trust God, we can't experience perfect peace. When we try to fight our own battles, we loose peace trying to figure out how to work things out. Finding perfect peace doesn't mean just sitting back, waiting on God, and taking no action. Finding perfect peace is about ensuring that our pursuits, passions, problem solving, and purpose bring us closer to God's will and not our own.

Jeremiah 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. - Mahatma Gandhi

The Freedom of Choice

The concept of “free will” vs God’s way is a continued discussion that I OFTEN hear when individuals are justifying their desires, not taking accountability for their outcomes, or are unwilling to own their decisions. It’s a lot easier to look to God as the planner of our lives-past, present, and future even when we are going down a path that we KNOW is not apart of his will. He gives us the freedom to choose his way and will. He also gives us freedom to choose our own waywardness. Your steps can be ordered and you can choose to walk a different path. You can hear the quiet whisper of God and still choose the loudness of your desires even when they go against your covenant, comprehension, capacity, character. “The Freedom of Choice” is like an “if this, then that” understanding that to some degree and is binding on each side but is NOT a guarantee. God's foreknowledge of your choices is not the same as Him forcing you to make them. The future is "predestined" in the sense that it's known to God, but your choices are still the ones you make freely in the moment. We have a playbook (Bible)and the ultimate quarterback(God) to help us achieve Super Bowl level success for our lives. On the road to the Super Bowl we WILL encounter injuries, fumbles, losses, wins, disappointments, and celebrations. We will also be equipped with the ability to recognize, respond, react, and recover in order to stay the in the game(life). We must be ready for the “audible”. When an audible is called the quarterback realizes the defense has correctly anticipated the play, and he CHANGES the play to avoid a predictable failure. God provides the opportunities for us to succeed when we follow his plans over our desires. When God calls for the audible, he’s communicating the change in plans in order for you to achieve a victory. We will always have “Freedom of Choice”. The ultimate question is will you fumble or will you follow when He calls the audible?

2 Peter 3:9

“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent”.

“What people have the capacity to choose, they have the ability to change.”

-Madeleine Albright

Who’s Driving You?

As I was leaving the radio station last night around 9:30pm and was stopped at a light, I looked over and saw a well lit parking lot. What caught my attention was a guy taking photos of a young lady that was posing with and on top of a Tesla, today’s popular, but not the first self-driven vehicle. Initially, I didn’t think much of the couple as “stunting” and taking pictures any and everywhere in Atlanta is common. As I continued through Midtown and sat at another stop light, I saw several DRIVERLESS food delivery carts and DRIVERLESS cars(Waymo)crisscrossing streets and I said aloud to myself,“ Who is driving those things and how do they know where they’re going?” I was LITERALLY awakened at 4:09am this morning from a dream. In my dream, I was standing in the aisle of a large vehicle (perhaps a tour bus or RV) and was jolted awake as I was watching the DRIVERLESS bus veering off the highway and headed over a cliff. I sat up in my bed and said aloud, “Who was driving?”, as I was the ONLY one on the bus. We have ALL been provided with the intuition and innate ability to make choices and decisions in our lives based on our upbringing, experiences, education, and abilities. MOST of us are guilty at some point of allowing others to be the DRIVERS of some of our most significant and sacred decisions and choices…what faith or religious practices to subscribe to, where or if to attend college, where to work or what career path to choose, who or if to marry, whether to have children and on and on! We allow the input, insight, and interference from others to DRIVE our picks, preferences, perspectives, and possibilities. STOP allowing your anxiety apprehension, agitation and angst to arrest you into NOT seeing yourself as the correct, competent, confident, and capable DRIVER of your decisions, desires, and dreams! “Who’s driving you?” Make today the day that you take the wheel, map out the direction, and go forward on your life’s journey YOUR way and stop allowing others to be your backseat drivers and take your wheel!

Isaiah 30:21

“Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say,“This is the way you should go,”whether to the right or to the left.”

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” -Roy E. Disney

Who Affects You, Who Infects You?

The people in your life ALL have an impact that either affects or infects you. To affect means to produce change in; to impress the mind, move the feelings of. To infect means to contaminate; to taint with something that affects(produces a change in)quality. Everybody that we allow in our lives isn't good for us. Some people bring out the best in us, while others incite the stress in us. People that affect us tend to restore, revive, and rebuild us while those that infect us are the ones that often discourage, disappoint, and dishearten us. The thing about being infected is that if we aren't careful, we will spread to others what we have been infected with and are now carriers for. Our mission for our personal growth, health, and safety should be just like that of the Center For Disease Control- to promote health and quality of life by preventing and controlling for infections! Only you can decide what the people that you're involved with provide in your life. If the people in your circle don't affect you but instead infect you, I suggest that you put on your lab coat, mask, and protective gloves and QUICKLY vaccinate yourself before they taint or contaminate the quality of who you are!

1 Corinthians 15:33

“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

“Be careful whom you associate with. We inadvertently adopt their interests, their opinions, their values, and their habit of interpreting events."- Epictetus

Take 5, NOT 6!

It's EASY to fall into a slump that prevents us from staying focused, being productive, moving forward, and breaking free. It’s EASY to focus on what we lack, in lieu of what we have. It’s EASY to focus on what we desire, and lack gratitude for what’s been provided. Who knew that the "5-Minute Pity Party", that I give myself permission to have would actually have been birthed many years ago from one of my favorite groups. Whodini provided many "Funky Beats", that we enjoyed, giving little to no thought to some of their prophetic utterances. The "Five Minutes of Funk" hit supports the very mantra that my "5-Minute Pity Party" is based on. The next time that you find yourself wallowing in your disappointments, crying over milk that spilled too long ago to remember, or wondering "why me" as you face your current challenge, give yourself permission for a 5-Minute Pity Party. "Five, minutes of funk, this ain't no junk, so pull your bottom, off the tree stump". In minute 6, get busy fixing the issue, figuring out something productive to do, forging a relationship that may produce the opportunity for a solution to your challenge, and most importantly have a spirit of gratitude because someone, somewhere has circumstances worse than yours…"Ooh-wee, Ooh-wee!"

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything".

“You can choose to be pitiful or you can choose to be powerful, but you cannot at the same time, be both.” -Mishi McCoy

Don’t Ignore Your Gut Instincts

I attended a local high school football game to watch my SuggahPop in her debut as a Majorette. I hadn’t eaten that day and felt my blood sugar dropping so I purchased a hot dog from the concession stand. From the FIRST bite I stated aloud to the couple beside me, “something doesn’t taste right”. I took another bite as if the first one was deceiving me, and I stated, “this doesn’t taste like a hot dog it kind of reminds me of a Vienna sausage from the can whatever kind of meat that is.” The couple just chuckled, probably having a nostalgic moment. I took another bite and then began rubbing my stomach and stated, “ my stomach is hurting” as I rubbed my stomach. The gentleman turned towards me and said “is it really hurting your stomach that fast?” to which I replied “yes sir”. I took one final bite and didn’t quite finish the hotdog but had eaten more than 3/4 of it. Over the week that followed my stomach was not feeling well. I nursed myself with ginger chews, apple cider vinegar, Gingerale and Tums, as my stomach ache worsened. On this past Monday morning just past midnight until 6:30 AM my stomach hurt as if I was in labor. Around 4:30 AM what was being released from my body could not be ignored, as it was scary for me to see and I went to ER where I was diagnosed with colitis, spent 12 hours in the ER, and have been pretty much bedridden this week. Oftentimes we have moments in our lives when our instincts tell us, “STOP ”, ”NO”, or “DON’T” and in our attempt to not be totally disobedient, we proceed with caution. We ignore critical signs that we should avoid, leave, or omit a person, place, or thing and we instead force a fit that results in regret, remorse, repetition, or repentance. “Don’t ignore your gut instincts “ which are there to preempt, prevent, protect, and prohibit some of the very things that might provide temporary satisfaction, over your long-term profit, progress, productivity, and prosperity!

Proverbs 1:5

“Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance.”

“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

All You Gotta Do Is Move Something

It can be a bitter sweet experience to reconnect with familiar faces from familiar places that we've encountered along life's journey. These encounters may lend themselves to moments of self-reflection of our own accomplishments, comparisons of success in relation to the appearance of that of others, and assumptions of who we think people are based on what they show us. Smiles and laughter have an uncanny ability to mask what lies beneath. We often get so wrapped up in our own lives that we ignore the subtle signs that might be warning signals for what others are REALLY experiencing. What do we do after the conversation about "so and so" that nobody has seen for years? What do we do after the comments about how "tired", "old", or "THRU"(FAMU meaning for looking a hot mess like life been life-ing) someone appears? What do we do after the conversations about someone's health, wealth, and well-being? If we merely "talk about" someone or something and never do anything to rectify, change, improve, or positively impact them; what does that say about our life, living, or character? Don't get too wrapped up to care. Don't get so distracted by your real life that you ignore the pain of someone else that you claim to care for. Don't forget that EVERY movement, policy change, and difference maker starts with the power of one!

Philippians 2:4

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others". 

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed" -Maya Angelou

It's Only Over When YOU Say It's Over

There is power in the tongue. Call forth whatever you need and desire, but cannot yet see. Speak it into the atmosphere because what we speak is what we seek. If you speak negativity, you will be more likely to attract it into your life. But we can't merely speak what we want, we must put time, effort, and energy into bringing it into our reality. No one is standing out in the world holding up a sign with your name on it in search of you. If what you seek to do has been done by at least one other person in this world, you know that it's possible! Delay is not denial and it's possible to do those things of your heart. You have to decide that you're driven, focused, and determined enough to eliminate the negativity of unhealthy self-talk, ignore the naysayers, avoid the distractions, and escape the detractors.

Hebrews 10:36

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Who’s(Who Is)Left vs Who’s(Who Has) Left

The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends and loved ones becomes either by choice or by force. We will decrease the number of individuals that have access to us either because of DEATH...they die or you do or DECISION...you choose to eliminate them from your life or they choose to eliminate you from theirs. It is ok to allow the seasons, which includes the WHO(people, places, and things) in your life to change, leave, and transition. We’ve heard adages like “some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime” and as a part of our need to control the narratives of our lives, we try to define who fits into which category. Some of the very relationships that you have designated as “lifers” may really be “reasons” or “seasons” that have a lesson attached to them. EVERY person that comes into your life is there for an appointment-“an arrangement to meet at a particular time and place”. Some marriages, friendships, kinships, situationships, positions, and jobs will no longer exist in your life; even ones that have been present for a very long time that you thought would never end. Sometimes they end abruptly, without explanation or understanding leaving you feeling disappointed, discouraged, depressed, and disturbed. Stop trying to hold onto what has already left you. Grieve it, leave it, and heal from it. Staying stuck in WHO’S(who has)left your life may prevent you from valuing WHO’S (who is)still in your life or WHO’S (who is)on the way into your life. Sometimes the WHO that you want as apart of your story is only meant to be a part of a chapter. STOP wishing for leaves to stay attached to dead trees.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”.

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn." – Hal Borland

Activate, Deactivate & Reactivate

There WILL be times in life when things will not go well and you WILL experience disappointments and discouragement. Fatigue, frustration, failures, and fear can cause our faith to waiver, but are NOT fatal! There WILL be times in life when we must ACTIVATE , DEACTIVATE, and REACTIVATE in order to recover, reenergize, and refocus. ACTIVATE: Break life down into manageable parts that consist of measurable goals. Excess on our things-to-do lists can become overwhelming, so scratch through some of the stuff on the list and move it onto the not-to-do lists. DEACTIVATE: Take a step back in order to take a leap forward. Identify AND eliminate your distractions. Don't succumb to life's challenges by taking life by lying down. Fight for what you want out of life! Utilize life's challenges to motivate you and propel you forward! Resist the temptation to feel sorry for yourself when things don't go as you plan! REACTIVATE: Get the right perspective because your perspective becomes your reality. Speak what you wish to live instead of only speaking what you're currently living. Slow down just enough so that you don't break down. Reorganize, rejuvenate, and reinvent the next phase of your life’s journey.

Proverbs 16:3

“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.”

"All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there." -Unknown

Be Careful About What You Pray

Have you been praying for patience? Patience can ONLY be developed through trials and tribulations. Pray for tolerance of your current situation. If you keep asking God to give you patience, He will, through ALOT of impediments, setbacks, disappointments, and heartache! Have you been praying for peace? Make sure that you model what you're expecting of others. You can't raise hell all the time and continue to ask others around you to be peaceful! Have you been praying for a change to come, but you keep doing the same people, places, and things? Change comes because it is forced or chosen. You can choose change or wait until you won't have a choice but to change! Prayer without action is powerless. Be aware of what you are asking for. God hears us, but will He really step in and help us when we wont help ourselves? Be aware of your weaknesses and shortcomings and work on them daily instead of concentrating on the greatness of your strengths. Your strengths don't have to be cultivated, that's why they're called strengths. Praying for what you need to change to improve is ONLY step one...the real step is in DOING something with the prayers about what needs to be changed to improve!

Mark 11:24

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

“Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?”-Corrie Ten Boom

Nappy Headed Barber

Be careful about how you receive the advice that you are given. Even though the people in your life may genuinely care about you and your well-being, they may never fully understand the decisions and choices that you must make. People give us advice based on who they are and not who we are. We often seek advice or receive unsolicited advice from individuals that have not walked in our shoes. How can a person that is single and NEVER been married give you advice on how to stay married? How can a person that has never had nor wants children give you advice on how to raise your kids? Be careful of soliciting advice from others about your problems, issues, and concerns. You are equipped to discover your own solutions, but when you need a supportive ear or second opinion; make sure that you seek "wise counsel". Some people's opinions should be taken with a grain of salt, fall on deaf ears, and received for what it is...a recommendation and not a mandate. Seeking or receiving advice from individuals that could not possibly understand, empathize, or appreciate your circumstances is just like going to a "Nappy Headed Barber" for a fresh clean cut...it should make you question whether someone can give to you what they don't appear to have experienced. And MOST importantly, remember that you don't need someone else to "fix your life" because you must take responsibility for the choices and decisions that must be made to change your situations, circumstances, problems, and issues!!!!

Proverbs 14:15

“The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thoughts to his steps.”

"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." — Benjamin Franklin

There Is Strength in Numbers

When you are a strong person, either by a self-imposed definition or everyone else's declaration, there will still come a time when you will need to lean on someone's shoulder. When you're the problem solver and the Olivia Pope of your circle the natural inclination of everyone that turns to you in their times of trouble, is to turn to you in their times of your trouble. Even when you're a strong person, you will have moments of weakness, confusion, sadness, and uncertainty. You may be strong but you will make mistakes, missteps, and mess ups because a sign of strength does not equate to perfection. You may have to look beyond your normal set of circumstances in order to find support because the shoulders inside your circle may want to lean on you, because they don't recognize your need to have shoulders that can support you. Find the shoulders that can hold you up when you're down and remember that "There Is Strength in Numbers" and you don't have to stand strong alone!

John 5:30 

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.”

"There is power in unity, and there is power in numbers." — Martin Luther King Jr.

God's Plans Don't Change?

A wise man recently challenged me on my concepts and philosophy about "change". I have come to accept that things happen as they are supposed to and believe that "change" is the only true constant. But he challenged me to ponder whether the manner in which people view change could be an absence of their faith in God and who he is. Do things in our lives really change, or do they just happen as they're intended to? As I walked my dog today, among ALL of the trees surrounding me, my eyes became fixed on one. It caught my attention because among its green leaves was a very distinct grouping of bright red leaves. I immediately thought of fall and the "change" in seasons. But then I smiled, remembering my recent conversation and thought, we think that seasons change but it's really God doing what he intended all along! The events and circumstances in our lives, no matter how joyful or painful, can serve as lessons and blessings as long as we decide to look at them for what they are...a part of our life's journey and not just another "change" happening in our lives.

Proverbs 19:21 

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

“God's purpose is more important than our plans”-Myles Munroe

Mixed and Unknown

A mutt is commonly described as “a dog that DOES NOT BELONG to a single, OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED breed; can result from MIXED parentage where the ancestry is UNKNOWN, or can be the product of several generations of mixed breeding”. At some point in our lives we have ALL felt like a mutt. Someone, somewhere has probably made you feel as if you DIDN’T BELONG, HADN’T EARNED THE RIGHT, or WERE NOT WORTHY of something that you’d achieved, accomplished, accepted, or somewhere you’d arrived. Somebody questioned your pedigree…who birthed you, where you were raised, where you were made, and how you got here. Don’t allow others to 1)tell you who you are, 2)tell you what you deserve, or 3)tell you what your pedigree should reward you. You are as great as you see yourself and who birthed you, where you were raised, where you were made, and how you got here maybe a part of your story but your story’s ending is up to you. You were made with intentionality and purpose!You are the author of your story, so stop allowing others to provide edits to it!

Jeremiah 1:5

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness. -Zig Ziglar

Don't Miss Your Connector!

Who and what are you connected to?

Anything that is successful happens as the result of a connection! We must seek to be interconnected, as our gifts and talents alone are not typically the only part to the success equation. God places gifts in all of us that cannot prosper until we find the "God" connection that is needed to make them successful. Connections happen in three ways through our HEARTS-Wherever your treasure is, so will your heart be, our HEADS-Similar thinking people, similar values, similar ideology, and our HANDS-Working together in common labor. We become like what we are connected to! If you want an indication of your future possibilities, look at your current connections! If you don't like what you see, DISCONNECT from whatever you need to unplug from and RECONNECT to a new person, place, or thing that holds the connections to your future successes!

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

“Your connections to all the things around you literally define who you are.”

-Aaron D. O’Connell

Remember, Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

It is human nature to defend and protect ourselves against individuals that pose a threat to our health, safety, physical, and emotional well-being. When faced with conflict and/or confrontation our natural inclination is a “fight or flight” response. Depending on our upbringing and experiences we may have been taught to flee confrontation OR we may have been taught never to walk away and to face whatever we are presented, with equal or greater force than what was presented to us. You DON’T have to accept an invitation to an argument, conflict, or confrontation just because you’re given one. Just as you SHOULD make wise decisions about the places that you will go and the people that you will and won’t do, you are encouraged to exercise that same discretion in choosing to accept an invitation to a debate, conversation, or argument. Just because you’re provided with the ability to start a fire doesn’t mean that you have to light it. Our words are like a match and they have less power if let unlit. If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind. Choose when to engage and when to walk away because in the words of Smokey the Bear, “Remember, Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires” and you don’t have to start a fire just because you were handed the match!

Proverbs 21:33

“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” -Wayne Dyer

The View of You

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. It takes ALOT of maturity to assess who and where we are in our lives, in relation to where others think we are. We can adorn nice clothing, drive nice cars, live in gated communities, earn the corner office with the great view, and put it all on display for our friends via social media. But at the end of the day, when we leave our professional work environments and civic responsibilities, completing our obligations and support to others, walk into our homes, DISROBE, and have to face ourselves in the mirror...WHO and WHAT do you see? You see, the “objects in the mirror are closer than they seem”. No matter how much you do in the course of your day in an effort to escape or ignore what you’re ACTUALLY living, you CAN’T look into the mirror and not see yourself! You’re the only person that you can’t fool about who you really are! If you’re not who you wish to be, it’s not too late to become that person!

2 Corinthians 5:17

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.- C.G. Jung

Take the “L”

EVERY relationship, friendship, kinship, and SITUATIONship that you will ever have will bring with it both losses and lessons. The way that we choose to view the experiences that transpire will determine whether we see it as such. Just because something negative or something that YOU would not do occurs between you and someone else, doesn’t mean that you’re all RIGHT and they’re all WRONG. You have the right to decide to eliminate people from your life and have a “block party”, ESPECIALLY when they don’t, no longer, or never really did add value to who you are. You can walk away with or without a conversation with the person, as that is your right. You can choose to learn from EVERY experience that you’ve had and EVERY person that enters and exits your life. You can decide to hold onto the memories that bring you joy and nostalgic happiness while filing away(not shredding), just as gentle reminders, those unpleasant experiences that required you to make different choices and decisions about the relationship for your own safety, sanity, and sanctification! It’s your responsibility to decide when to “Take the “L” and to determine whether the “L”, is truly a loss, or truly a lesson disguised as a blessing!

Proverbs 4:6-7

“Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”

“Have no regrets in life because of the choices you make. Good or bad, they are a learning experience, to help you grow. The only regret in life, is to never make a choice at all.”

-James Hauenstei

From Setbacks to Comebacks

"Setbacks" are an uncomfortably normal part of life and success that offer us a lesson and message..."setbacks" typically cause a dissatisfaction that propel us to CHANGE! There are times when God must pull us back(the setback) in order to propel us forward(the comeback) towards our destiny. A "comeback", like change, is a process not an event. A "setback" can often be instantaneous. A "comeback" requires strategizing and planning...and "hoping for a change" is NOT a strategy.

Tips to Stay the Comeback Course:

1. BURY the "setback"-Stop beating yourself up for something that's over and done. Acknowledge the pain(i.e. I was disappointed, you hurt my feelings)and BURY IT!

2. Forgive whoever may have caused you pain that contributed to your "setback"; especially yourself!!!

3. RELEASE THE EVENT...you can't get it back. As Rifiki (The Lion King) says, "It's in the past!"

4. GET your "comeback" plan together! Remember,  you need a strategy and not just a "hope" or "wish".

5. EXECUTE your plan! Don't just sit there, do something. And if you discover that what you're doing isn't working, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

A "comeback" is appointed for a designated time and season. REFUSE to give up or allow your "setback" to define you. A RELENTLESS faith in God is necessary to stage and stay your "comeback"!!!!

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed”.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” -Maya Angelou

The Courage To Be

It takes courage to be who you’ve been purposed to be despite the challenges that you face, the people that hurt or mistreat you, and the many “No’s” that you may encounter throughout whose rejection makes you feel unworthy. It doesn't matter whether or not people understand why you can dance, laugh, and smile in the midst of your storms. What's important is that you continue to dance, laugh, and smile EVEN after you’ve cried, because it helps YOU to just keep going.

YOU must determine how to address, manage, and cope with the hand that life has dealt you. When you truly embrace(SAYING and BELIEVING) that 1) Your life's purpose and EVERYTHING that you experience is to help someone else on their journey and 2) EVERYTHING that you encounter is for your growth and God's glory, you will develop and maintain a positive attitude in spite of your situation and circumstances!! It takes courage to share your experiences that others may interpret as failed relationships, poor career choices, and poor decision making by your children (who are sometimes your young adults) because you understand that your life’s purpose is about others experiencing your faith, strength, and God’s grace.

2 Corinthians 4:8–9

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.”

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen"— Brené Brown

Why Me, AGAIN?

We ALL have days when we have events and situations that cause us to question, WHY, that something is going on and going wrong. We will all encounter some series of unfortunate events that will make us feel unloved, unworthy, unbecoming, or unsuitable. We will question whether or not our best, will ever be good enough forgetting that no matter how good your good is, someone will always find fault in it. We must remember that when "bad things" happen to us that something worse is happening to someone else. There's purpose in EVERY struggle but we can only find the purpose, if we don't get weighed down by the problem! Always remember that your bad may still be better than someone else’s worse, it's all in your perspective and you can't have a good attitude about handling a bad thing, unless you decide to!

Romans 5:3-5

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character, and character produces hope"

The triumph can't be had without the struggle. -Wilma Rudolph

When Everyone Knows, But No One Says

Most of us are guilty of co-signing on the inappropriate behaviors of those in our lives either by omission or commission. We watch as others that we claim to care about indulge in behaviors that are unproductive, destructive, fruitless, ineffective, unprofitable, damaging, detrimental, or disparaging; either to themselves or to others. We profess that we "Don't want to get involved", "It's not my business", or "It's not my place to meddle" even when we KNOW that a person's behavior is causing them and/or those that they love some sort of pain and discomfort.

It's not about whether or not you can control or change another person's behavior, you can't. It's about not just saying that you care, but showing that you care by encouraging accountability of the person for their behavior. Some people know better, but won't do better. Some people don't know better, and don't have individuals in their lives that care enough about them to tell them what they don't appear (as evidenced by their behavior) to know. You can choose to be a not-so-innocent bystander (omission) or you can speak up and say what needs to be said(commission). Stop accepting behaviors just because you’re use to seeing them if you know the behaviors are detrimental to the person and others. Being silent makes you their accomplice! Use your voice for good or your silence may encourage their evil!!

Proverbs 28:13

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy”

“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people" — Martin Luther King Jr. 

Be BETTER Not BITTER

People are EXACTLY who they are no matter where you take them, place them, or elevate them unless they choose to be different. Who they are has NOTHING to do with whatever excuse they're using to justify their behavior. People that will lie to you, will steal from you, and lie on you. People that can lie down at night and sleep soundly KNOWING that they have misused, mistreated, mishandled, and manipulated someone that has helped, loved, and supported them MUST not understand the Law of Karma. Karma is known as the sum of a person's actions throughout their life, believed to determine their fate AND the fate of their loved ones in the future. We must choose to be BETTER(growing into the best version of yourself)over being BITTER (staying in hurt, pain, and anger) ESPECIALLY when we feel misused, mistreated, mishandled, and manipulated. How people treat you is their karma; how you react to it is yours. “Karma is also called the Law of Cause and Effect, Action and Reaction and: as you sow, so shall you reap”. Be mindful of the seeds that you plant. The seeds we sow are the harvest that our children and our children’s children, reap. What you sow in the dark, you reap in the light so don’t expect to plant bad seeds and expect to yield a good harvest!

Galatians 6:7

“Don’t be misled; remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it: a man will always reap just the kind of crop he sows!”

“If you don't like what you are reaping, you better change what you have been sowing"

– Jim Rohn

Live Life as a Footprint

When people come into your life, they either leave footprints or they leave scars. Footprints are defined as a marked effect, impression, or impact and scars are defined as a mark remaining after an injury . If you had to evaluate who you are in the lives of those that you care about, would you conclude that your presence has left footprints or a scars AND what would other people conclude that your presence in their life has meant? Oftentimes we don't realize that something that we've said, done, not said, or not done has left a scar upon someone's life. "Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."(Unknown) If you don't let someone know that they've scarred you, they may never know. If you value the relationship, you MUST have enough trust and faith in it to have the hard, heart to hearts.

Philippians 2:3-4

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”

"What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make." - Jane Goodall

How To Be A Footprint II

1. If you care, say it. No one can read your mind or interpret what you classify as a "good gesture" and embrace it as such because you meant for it to be.

2. Take every opportunity to speak words of life and not death into others. "A bad wound heals but a bad word doesn't"

(Persian Proverb).

3. Just BE present. Sometimes it's not what you say, but that you're there! "Action expresses priorities"(Mahatma Gandhi).

4. Avoid making empty or lofty promises. Genuine relationships are built upon acceptance of people, flaws and all, so "Don't write a check your"...you know the rest!

5. Ask the people that you care about what they need from you. Oftentimes we give what we want or have to give or what we think they need; which may have absolutely NOTHING to do with what a person ACTUALLY needs.

6. Be self-less NOT selfish! Chances are if you're feeling hurt, guilty, neglected, or mistreated; so is the other person.

7. Remember that talking is almost second nature and we must be INTENTIONAL about what is released from our mouth. Say the things that you mean to be heard. Avoid communicating when you are emotional. "Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one"

(Benjamin Franklin).

We ALL leave a piece of who we are in the life of everyone that we come in contact with and must examine whether or not our presence leaves footprints or scars.

Proverbs 25:19

Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.”-Unknown

You Can’t Get It Back

Some people spend more time thinking about their past, than their present and future. They stay stuck focused on past hurts, past relationships, past regrets, past opportunities, past experiences and what they classify as past failures. The past is NOT duplicative, meaning it can never exist exactly the same way as it once did. A moment that has passed is gone. It's often easier and certainly more comfortable to look at someone else's flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings rather than to look in the mirror at our own. It feels much better to point the finger at someone else as the "why" a relationship is less likely to be successful or an employer may not be "the best fit" as opposed to looking at what we truly bring or don't bring in terms of value, to the table! Not everyone or every opportunity will be the best fit for you or work in your life. But if you find yourself in a situation where you are the "possibility" for a relationship, employment opportunity, or leadership role make sure that you evaluate what you bring to the table in the form of gifts, talents, and abilities and MOST importantly ask yourself the crucial question...Would You Choose You? If you were the person responsible for choosing, selecting, or hiring who you brought to the table! Take care of the present...the past cannot be redone and the future is coming whether you are ready for it or not!

Isaiah 43:18-19 

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

“Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.”-Corrie Ten Boom

The Blame Game

It is almost second nature to look to others as explanation for why the things gone wrong in your life, are someone's fault other than yours. The world is full of individuals that refuse to accept responsibility for why they are, as they are. The Victim always feels that they get the short end of the stick and feel taken advantage of. The Victim always acts as if NOTHING is within their control, they have no idea why people treat them as they do, and don't understand why things never seem to work in their lives. The Accuser is the ultimate finger pointer that is great at illuminating everyone else's faults and shortcomings. The Accuser rarely sticks to addressing an issue as the focus of communications and tend to focus on what others are not doing or doing incorrectly. The Avoider stays away from any subject or situation that remotely resembles a conflict and would rather change the subject, leave the room, and engage in any activity that will allow them to escape a situation that would require an uncomfortable dialogue. Growth is recognizing that because no one is perfect, at some point, everyone is to blame. In EVERY situation, assess YOUR part in things gone right and ESPECIALLY wrong. If everyone focuses on taking responsibility for their words, behaviors, attitudes, shortcomings, and insecurities in every relationship, in every environment, and in every communication the only person that everyone will focus on blaming will be the person that they greet each morning when they look in the mirror.

John 8:32

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean”

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Grace of Gratitude

We live in a world where the best things in life, truly are free! Giving of your time and talents only costs you, your willingness to do so. Expressing thanks and gratitude only costs the effort that it takes to open your mouth. Demonstrating love to others only takes your desire to put their needs before your own so that they feel the love that you say that you have for them. In a world where the best things in life truly are free, why not make every moment of everyday an opportunity to demonstrate gratitude to have the freedom to enjoy the people, places, and things in your life that you have the freedom to choose! Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. NEVER take for granted a person’s presence in your life, efforts made on your behalf, kindness shown towards you, or love that they have for you because most people extend those things to you based on who they are and not necessarily because you’ve earned it or shown it…that’s why it’s called grace. “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” (Kahlil Gibran)

Luke 6:31

"And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them”

"You can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness!"-Anne Frank

Be a Butterfly

The "Butterfly Effect" is defined as the phenomenon whereby a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. It is also summarized as a scientific theory that a single occurrence, no matter how small, can change the course of the universe forever. We can't predict the unavoidable challenges and trials that we will face throughout our lifetime; many which will be unwanted, unwelcome, and misunderstood. The purpose behind our life journey IS NOT about us, but about those who need to witness our shining light. Our shining light represents our ability to exhibit strength, hope, and faith in the face of fear of the unknown and those things outside of our control. Our shining light represents an opportunity for us to educate and empower others to seek solutions to unanswered questions and unsolved mysteries.

The unavoidable challenges and trials that we will face throughout our lives are the "Butterfly Effect", a single occurrence, no matter how small, that we can use to change the course of the universe forever. We must make a conscientious decision to use our hurts, losses, trials, and tribulations to propel us to action to ensure that our living is not in vain and that our "shining light" illuminates the path that is ours to forge!

Matt 5:16

“You are like that illuminating light. Let your light shine everywhere you go, that you may illumine creation, so men and women everywhere may see your good actions, may see creation at its fullest, may see your devotion to Me, and may turn and praise your Father in heaven because of it.”

“If a man is to shed the light of the sun upon other men, he must first of all have it within himself. “-Romain Rolland

Perfect Peace

We regularly question and ponder not only the "whys" behind our own experiences, but also the experiences of those around us. We seek to find answers, excuses, justifications, and rationalizations for the hows and whys of our health, wealth, and relationships. Perfect Peace is the ability to TOTALLY and COMPLETELY rest in God and his predetermined solution for our problems. There is peace in knowing and believing that our battles are not ours to fight, that they will be fought in the right season, and that EVERYTHING; good, bad, & ugly has a purpose. Examine the peace that is existing or lacking in your life and surround yourself with people, places, and things that bring out the BEST in you and NOT the stress in you!

Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."

“Peace is not something you wish for, it is something you make, something you are, something you do and something you give away. ” ― Robert Fulghum

You Are Not Disposable

Being discarded is NOT normal in breakups. Being discarded is an emotional ambush that leaves you disoriented and broken. Being discarded is blindsiding, abrupt, and deeply traumatizing, often happening when you least expect it, leaving you questioning everything you thought you knew about the relationship. When there is no heartfelt conversation, no compassion, and no closure and instead, there’s a withdrawal, and switch-off of affection, it feels as if the love, trust, and history you built together were nothing but an illusion. You’re left standing in the wreckage, feeling like you’ve been tossed aside without a second thought — like you were disposable and never even mattered. The silence is deafening, and the lack of empathy cuts deeper than the act itself. You replay every moment, searching for the “mistake” you made, desperately trying to understand what you did to deserve being thrown out like the Monday morning garbage when in fact you did NOTHING to “cause” this. Emotionally healthy people DO NOT discard their partners, friends, or relatives. Emotionally healthy people talk, they explain, they work through problems, and even if the relationship ends, they offer respect and understanding. How a person chooses to leave reveals their level of emotional maturity, empathy, and integrity. A discard says nothing about your worth, but speaks volumes about the other person’s. Some take the easy way out because facing the truth or being accountable would require them to confront themselves…something that they’ve probably always avoided. Stop blaming yourself and replaying the moments trying to rewrite them. The relationship, friendship, kinship, or situationship was not your failure. How they left is their choice, likely their pattern, and probably their inability to love in a healthy way. Being discarded is not the end of your story and is the beginning of reclaiming your self-confidence, self-respect, self-love, and self-worth. You weren’t perfect and probably not the sole problem, you were just the perfectly imperfect gift that they didn’t know how to value.

Matthew 7:15

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves”

“Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness”.

-Steve Maraboli

Tipping the Scales of Life: Unbalanced Living IS Unhealthy

There is an art to living a balanced life that must be learned and practiced. No ONE thing that we attempt to pour ALL of our energy into( relationships, careers, organizations) will provide us the healthy life style, contentment, or balanced existence that a diversified life will afford us. There should be a healthy collaboration between how we work, how we play, and who and what gets our time and attention. Evaluate your living. If you're avoiding addressing those issues, situations, and people in your life that have unbalanced your life’s scales and instead you're pouring your time, energy, and effort into distractions( recreational drug and alcohol use, gambling, cheating, gaming, excessive social media, spending beyond your bank account)in order to escape; your scale is probably on the verge of tipping over. When we lose balance something or somethings are bound to suffer, fall, fail, or be forgotten!

Proverbs 4:26

“Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”

“Practice moderation in all things except love. “-Gary Zukav

The Switch

As humans with feelings and emotions that we are not always 1) AWARE of, 2) have the WILLINGNESS to express, and 3) have the CAPACITY to express we sometimes abandon people, places, and things and in an attempt to “feel better” we avoid dealing with what makes us feel bad. In lieu of dealing with what we don’t like or don’t want from someone, we often try to skip it by exiting it without discussing it. The moment the job becomes challenging or we don’t feel valued, we start developing the exit strategy to find “better and different “. The moment the relationship, friendship, or kinship is no longer in the “honeymoon phase” of feel goods, we look for someone else that can make us feel better(a. g. Tell us what makes us comfortable and what we want to hear, instead of sometimes what we need to hear). We avoid examining the unresolved issues of our past which can sometimes be an unconscious act(not knowing there’s a connection from the past)but is often a deliberate decision(choosing not to deal with the stuff from your past)which makes it more comfortable to leave a person , place, or thing rather than to stick and stay. We should NEVER tolerate abusive people or toxic environments, but just because someone doesn’t see the world through your eyes it doesn’t make them abusive and toxic. Just because the organization, job, or church doesn’t operate in the way that you see as best, doesn’t make it toxic. Just because a friend, loved one, or mate doesn’t act like you, think like you, or speak like you it doesn’t make you better than them, it makes you different from them. When we try to “switch” one person, place, or thing without first evaluating 1)our limiting insecurities, beliefs, and biases AND 2) without an objective assessment of the situation that requires communication and consideration beyond our own opinions and beliefs, we miss the opportunity for personal growth. There’s a lesson in every person, place, and thing that we encounter. Perhaps instead of trying to switch something with another something , look closer at who you are and your impact upon it (the relationship or environment) to assess whether a different version of you would result in a better outcome of it (the relationship or environment).

Proverbs 11:2

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom”

“People talk a lot about having self-love, caring just for yourself, and ensuring you are happy ultimately because everyone is selfish. Sadly the term self-love, my life, and my rules have become a justification for people to use others and then cut off with them in the name of self-love. -Garima Son

YOUR Vision, YOUR Life

The power of manifesting and the law of attraction suggests that we grow what we concentrate on. The number “8” represents abundance, infinity, and 8/8(August 8th) is one of the most significant days of heightened spiritual energy, manifestation, and receiving messages from God and the universe. Be INTENTIONAL, especially today, about where you see yourself in the future, how to grow yourself, how to have the relationships(romantic , professional, kinships, and friendships)that you desire, and actionable steps that are needed by YOU to improve the quality of YOUR life. WRITE IT DOWN and MAKE IT CLEAR! The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life. Your positive thoughts will create a positive reality for you and negative thoughts will do the same. You become what you think. The more you think about something, the more it becomes a part of you. You can change your thoughts by paying attention to them and by choosing to think different thoughts. You are not stuck with the thoughts that you have or the ones you oven handed. Your thoughts are seeds that grow into actions. The thoughts that you think will eventually manifest themselves in your actions. You are the only one who is responsible for the thoughts that you think. No one else can make you think a certain way. Even if you’ve been taught to believe certain things, you get to decide if they remain apart of your truth. If you change your thoughts, you will change your life. You will become a different person with a different reality when you choose a new way of thinking! Same thoughts equal same behaviors. Different thoughts equal different behaviors!

Habakkuk 2:2-3

Write your vision and make it plain. This vision is for a future time. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

“Where there is no vision, there is no hope.” -George Washington Carver

The Power of the Tongue I

Words have power and is sometimes a reflection of what is going on inside of the speaker's life. It is comfortable to "blame" others for why we’ve said, what we said; looking at their behavior instead of ours.(a.g. Someone angers you on your job and you come home yelling at your spouse, kids, or the dog)I OFTEN listen to individuals from the couch justify their use of profanity, slander, gossip, or malicious comments. The why they said, what they said reminds me of Flip Wilson’s alter ego, Geraldine and her famous retort, "The devil made me do it"! We are SOLELY responsible for the words that we speak to others AND about them behind their backs, so stop blaming satan for what comes out of your mouth, when you think no one's looking and listening! It can be hurtful and detrimental to learn that someone that you love, respect, or admire has spoken critically or ill of you to someone else about some topic or issue that they have never spoken directly to you about. If you share my flaws with me, I have the opportunity to change and grow from it. If you share my flaws with someone other than me, you don’t want to help me grow, you just want to share(gossip) your opinion about me…IJS! Think before you speak!

Psalm 34:13

“Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.”

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”

-Socrates

The Power of the Tongue II

It typically hurts to discover that someone has talked about you behind your back, it hurts others to know that you have indulged in unproductive conversation about them, behind their back. If we want our words to have meaning, we must practice being critical friends. Engage in conversation that is purposeful and meaningful, remembering that your opinion DOES NOT necessarily have meaning or serve a purpose. Isn't it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up(Sean Covey)When you really care about a person you talk to them about them, and not about them to other people! YOU are the builder and your words have the power to construct AND demolish. Proceed with caution!

Proverbs 6:16-19

“There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”

“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” -Shannon L. Alder

It’s Planting Season

The areas in our lives that we concentrate on are those areas that will grow. Throughout our lives, seeds are planted in us by individuals that we consider to be significant, admired, feared, and revered. Seeds come in the form of words, actions, and deeds and can significantly shape how we see ourselves. Seeds either grow flowers or weeds and oftentimes, both. Flowers blossom, are healthy, beautiful, and enjoyable and look like motivation, self-confidence, acceptance of self and others, and a loving spirit. Weeds also grow, but are unhealthy, damaging to self-esteem, create strangulation of thoughts ideas and progress, are self-defeating, cause self-doubt and can be stifling and destructive. Tend to your garden. What you nurture, grows. If your garden(your mind)is full of beautiful flowers(positive thoughts and memories)but is surrounded by a lot of weeds(traumatic thoughts and unhealed wounds), you must remove the weeds in order for the flowers to thrive. Everyone likes to smell the roses, but forgets the hard work that it takes to prevent the weeds from growing back even after you remove them, in order for the roses to thrive! We must ALL determine how to nurture the flowers of our lives through positive words to self, positive words to others, and choosing positive people for our life's journey.

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

“Keep watering yourself. You’re growing.”—E.Russell

The Measuring Stick Part I

Often times we become victims to other people's summation of our successes and failures, the depth of our relationships, and choices in the people, places, and things in our lives. We allow other people to set standards for us that we don't even subscribe to. We allow others to suggest what we should do in our professional lives, our personal lives, in our spare time, where we should worship, how we should look, and even how we should feel. The only person that has the right to determine whether or not you are living your best life, achieving what you'd like to accomplish, and making the necessary changes and improvements that will make you better, is YOU!

2 Timothy 1:7

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.”

“When you're different, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't.” -Jodi Picoult

The Measuring Stick Part II

Give yourself permission to detoxify your life and eliminate the people that don't consistently add value to your life. Take back your power in making choices that YOU can live with AND take responsibility for. Be true to who you are by being your authentic self and knowing your core values and beliefs. KNOW what you expect from others and make sure that you demonstrate the same character, that you wish to see from them. YOU should be "The Measuring Stick" for who you are and who you are not because then and only then, can you make the necessary changes and alterations to insure that you measure up to standards and expectations that you've set for you!

2 Corinthians 10:18 

“For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”

I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see. - Douglas Pagels

Delay Is NOT Denial

We often become frustrated and discouraged as we review our life's choices. We question the "why's" of our decisions that range from our educational institutions, career paths, employment options, our dates, our mates, and to procreate or not. We encounter situations that cause us to feel as if the hand that we've been dealt is far worst than that of others that we consciously and/or subconsciously compare ourselves too. We wonder when we will receive our "just desert" all of the time forgetting that just because we feel as if it's our turn that it doesn't mean that it's our time! If you truly embrace and believe that things happen as they're supposed to within their appointed time, shouldn't we in turn believe that it's not possible to miss out on a turn that is TRULY designed for us? Delay does not mean denial. Delay can be another opportunity to test our faith, develop perseverance, and grow spiritually. Sometimes the journey to our destiny is just as important as the reward!

Habakkuk 2:3

“This vision is for a future time.

It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.”

“No one can believe how powerful prayer is and what it can affect, except those who have learned it by experience. Whenever I have prayed earnestly, I have been heard and have obtained more than I prayed for. God sometimes delays, but He always comes.”-Martin Luther

Even the Strong Grow Weary

There will be times in life that no matter how strong you’ve been taught to be, you’ll want to be, or have been told that you are; that you will grow weary. You will feel as if the weight of your partner, your family, your friends, your job, and society’s expectations for your life have overwhelmed you. There will be days when your GREATEST achievement will simply be that your eyes opened, you thanked God for that, you went to the bathroom, you got back into your bed, and hopefully you remembered to eat something that day. Sometimes “Even the Strong Grow Weary” and it’s ok to not be okay and to not feel like being strong. It’s also ok to know that tomorrow is an opportunity to get back to being ok and back to being strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9

“My grace is all you need, for my power is the greatest when you are weak.”

“Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength.”

-Napoleon Bonaparte

So Are the Days of Our Lives

Leaving a legacy involves making a positive difference in the lives of others and contributing to something greater than yourself. Unfortunately, none of us can predict the length of our living and how much time we will actually have to make a difference in our homes, communities, and our world. The concept of the sand flowing thru an hour glass represents time, how quickly it passes, and how we make use of it. Make sure that the sand that flows thru your hour glass of life represents a lasting legacy that honors you and makes a positive impact. When everyone speaks highly and favorably of who you were, how you lived, and the impact that your life leaves after your death, your life had meaning.

Philipians 2:3

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. -Pericles

Grow Before You Go

“Being and Becoming” is an interesting series of self discoveries. As teens we desire to be accepted and "fit in" by any means necessary. The “I’m Grown” era is usually filled with bad choices regarding people, places, and things and a total disregard for most of the lessons that our parents tried to teach us. The “I’m Getting Older” era is spent trying to undue many of those bad choices that resulted from our “I’m Grown“ era. True growth and maturity hopefully develops during the “I’m Old Enough to KNOW Better”era when we TRULY embrace our ability to be the best version of ourselves DAILY. Growth is forgiving ourselves for choices that we have classified as mistakes and accepting them for the lessons that they are! As we abandon the need to be accepted by others based on who they are and require them to embrace and love us according to our faith, values, beliefs “our legacy(what will be said about who you became)becomes more important than the people, places, and things around us. “Being and Becoming is about what we were born into this world to do which should have more to do with making the world better, rather than focusing on where you worked, what you wore, what you drove, and where you went as opposed to who you helped, how you loved, where your money was spent, and how your time was given!

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"I will be able to leave this earth knowing—and people knowing—that I was a good person…with all of the darkness in the world—it is possible to maintain your soul and be a good person."-Malcolm Jamal Warner

Life IS a Test

Life is filled with tests. God is the master teacher. Like all great teachers, God provides us with instruction and the opportunity to practice. He provides us the opportunity to develop our skills and perfect them before he gives us life's tests to assess how well we have paid attention to the lessons. Like all great teachers, God doesn't talk to us during the test, he just walks around us and monitors our answers and responses. When we are unsuccessful on our tests, unlike many teachers, God doesn't fail us. He is gracious enough in his desire to ensure our success that he will give us a "do over". THIS life is only a test!

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

“Temptation is the feeling we get when encountered by an opportunity to do what we innately know we shouldn't”. -Steve Maraboli

Growth vs Change

Growth can be defined as progress or development toward maturity, improvement, or potential.

Change can be defined as a shift from one state to another.

Growth Is…

Intent:Usually intentional

Direction:Forward (toward improvement)

Depth:Deep, internal, personal Control:Comes from within

Sustainability:Long-term and enduring

Change is:

Intent:Can be random or forced

Direction:Neutral (better or worse)

Depth:Often surface-level or situational

Control:May be out of your hands

Sustainability:Temporary or fleeting

Are you being the best version of yourself in your career, relationships, and organizations and growing in a way that you are contributing and making positive change OR do you get angry, frustrated,offended, and hurt on your job, in your home, in your relationships and decide to leave, block, cut-off, and go so that you don’t have to grow YOU to improve the circumstances?

Change may look like behavior modification without inner transformation. Growth is when you understand your patterns and work intentionally to heal and evolve, not just doing something to“feel better for now.” Change can happen overnight. Growth takes time. Change is about doing something different. Growth other is about becoming someone different. Ask yourself today, are you Growing(looking within to improve who you are, where you are)or just Changing(moving on to something different to replace one bad habit with another)?

1 Corinthians 13:11

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

“Change is inevitable, but growth is optional.”– John C. Maxwell

Grudges Leave Smudges on YOU Part I

Holding grudges is a daunting task that takes more energy than it’s worth. We spend so much time being pissed and angry about OUR perception of situations that we ignore the consideration that our perspective is ONLY our perspective. When you GENUINELY care about a person that you have an “issue” with, get beyond your hurt long enough to consider that they might be hurt too.

Luke 6:37 "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.

“Treasure everything you possess, both the material and the intangible, because we often don’t realize the importance of something until we lose it.”-Bob Marley

Grudges Leave Smudges on YOU Part II

It never ceases to amaze me when I see relationships, friendships, kinships, or SITUATIONships end and the person choosing to bring the thing to an end somehow thinks they never did anything wrong or offensive to the other person. Perhaps the person that stuck it out when you were offending them was choosing to be the bigger person instead of holding a grudge and chose to look at you for the perfectly imperfect person that you are. Perhaps they didn’t cut you off, stop speaking, or become hurt beyond repair by your offense because they knew that who you are to your core, was greater than the temporary stain of your offense.

Ephesians 4:31-32

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. 32 Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.”

“Learn to forgive those who have hurt you, because resentment only chains the soul and keeps you from being free.”-Bob Marley

Grudges Leave Smudges on YOU Part III

It’s admirable to state that you, “don’t hold grudges against others because it certainly sounds more Christian like than to say that you have a vengeful spirit. Consider that the grace that someone has extended to you was because they were willing to look at the sum total of who you’d been in their life instead of keeping a hidden tally of what you’d done to them. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect! Stop acting like you never offend, hurt, mess up, and are perfect, giving yourself permission to walk around with YOUR justified unforgiveness in your heart. Perhaps your purpose in someone’s life is to grow you both, so don’t exit before you both learn the lessons or the lessons will be repeated in one of your other relationships!

1 Peter 4:8

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

"Appreciate and hold on to what you have, because everything in life has value in one way or another. Let go and forget what causes you pain, as clinging to wounds only prevents you from moving forward.” -Bob Marley

Walking thru the Valleys I

God will allow enemies into your life in the forms of addiction, sexual trauma, homelessness, financial despair, betrayal, abandonment, neglect, bareness, relationship problems, etc in order to bring you out of difficulties and opposition so that He can get the glory for your journey. If we didn't face difficulties and trials, God would never be able to show up and show out in our lives. The weapons may form, but they won't prosper. You may go through the fire but it's because God made you fire proof. You may be in the valley, but fear no evil! Lift your head, take a deep breath, and Walk Through the Valleys!!!

1 Peter 5:8-9

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith."  

“One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness.”-Ezra Taft Benson

Walking thru the Valleys II

Too often we settle in the valleys of our lives. We put our stakes down and build homes in the valley, however, the visit to the valley is temporary. Stop thinking that the house that you've built is your last stop when in fact it's only a lease. You may be in the valley of loneliness, disappointment, depression, and discouragement but your day of departure from your valley was already predetermined. We must remain in faith while in the valley, knowing that the ticket to exit that season of our lives has already been issued and that we will experience greater joy, peace, and prosperity if we will remain encouraged.

Psalm 23:4 and 6

4 Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death,I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.

6 Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, And I shall dwell forever [throughout all my days] in the house and in the presence of the Lord.

“Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we do not see.”-Martin Luther

Ain’t Nobody Bigger Than the Program

At some point, you have to stop confusing your engagement with alignment. Whether it’s a relationship, friendship, kinship, or situationship, one person cannot continue to carry the full emotional weight…doing all the repairing and apologizing, initiating every conversation, checking in first, making the plans, forgiving the patterns, and pretending that the crumbs that you’re getting are good enough to call it connection. Healthy relationships will not always be a 50/50 split but require respect, reciprocity, accountability, and mutual effort. If someone’s presence requires you to shrink, over-function, over-explain, over-give, or abandon yourself in order to keep the connection alive, you may need to reassess what that connection is actually providing you and costing you. Everybody will not know how to honor your heart, but that does not mean that you should keep handing it to people who treat it like something they can borrow, bruise, or benefit from without responsibility. You can love people, pray for them, and give grace when it is healthy but don’t keep sacrificing yourself to sustain something that only survives because you keep resuscitating it. If the connection starts costing you your confidence, clarity, peace, and self-respect, it may be labor and and not love. Love should not require you to abandon yourself in order to maintain access to someone else. The connection must either find balance, or it will become a burden to one of you. KNOW your worth, KNOW your value, KNOW what you bring to the table because “Ain’t Nobody Bigger Than the Program!”.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history but not a part of your destiny." —Steve Maraboli

Don’t Mistake Preparation for Punishment

Growth rarely happens in seasons of excess and is often developed in seasons where you must trust more, surrender more, obey more, and persevere more. The entrepreneur often sacrifices the comfort of consistent direct deposits, the author sacrifices time commitment and many sleepless days and nights in hopes of writing a bestseller, the scholar sacrifices leisure for hours pursuing knowledge and understanding, the athlete sacrifices their body in order to become championship level legendary, and the visionary sacrifices immediate gratification for long-term impact. A famine is not always the absence of resources, but is sometimes the absence of comfort and the drying up of what once sustained you. What feels like a famine may actually be preparation, what feels like lack and delay may be developing discipline and creating capacity in you, and what feels like sacrifice may be positioning you for something greater than what you can currently see. “Don’t Mistake Preparation for Punishment!”Sometimes you must walk by faith before the evidence appears because the season that feels empty, may be the very season that is equipping you for abundance.

Galatians 6:9

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." —Robert Collier

The Price Tag of a Dream

Many people pray for abundance while resisting the season that will prepare them for it. We celebrate unexpected checks in the mail, promotions, book deals, networking opportunities, business growth, healthy relationships, and fulfilled dreams. We rarely celebrate the seasons of sacrifice, self-control, suppression, shortage, and scarcity that often come before them. Your dream may require saying no when everyone else is saying yes and may require lonely nights, early mornings, delayed gratification, difficult decisions, and walking away from what feels familiar. It may require sacrificing convenience today for purpose tomorrow because every meaningful dream has a price tag attached to it. Sometimes God removes distractions, dependencies, excuses, and shortcuts so that you can become the person your next assignment requires. Stop measuring your season by what is missing and start measuring it by what is being built within you.

Isaiah 58:11

“The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”-Carl Jung

Where Does Your Influence Lie?

People in your life will likely add value to you or they will subtract from you which could distract you from your purpose, interfere with your progress, and impact your personal happiness. We often prioritize people in our lives that marginalize and OPTIONalize us in theirs. The footprints upon our hearts that are left by others will either leave a song of joy or trail of sadness. Only you can determine which people in your life, serve in which capacity. Each and every time one of my former students calls out my name from across a room or purposely seeks me out because they’ve spotted me to ask, “do you remember me?” followed by the usual unneeded reminder of what school they attended and what capacity I served them in, I am reminded of the songs that I have left as my footprint, upon many hearts. I am THANKFUL and grateful each day that I can wake up in my RIGHT mind to be of service to others! TRUST me, I choose not to look like what I’m going thru when I’m going through or coming through ! What do the footprints that you leave daily, say about your walk? Only you can determine if you need to take new steps to ensure that your footprints leave song of joy rather than a trail of sadness. If your life is lived only in service to yourself, you’re TRULY missing the point of living!

Hebrews 13:16

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

– James Matthew Barrie 

YOUniquely YOU

When being true to someone else(a spouse, mate, family member, friend, or colleague)results in your not being true to yourself, you are lying to yourself AND the other person! Authenticity is defined as the degree to which one is true to one's own spirit, personality, and character, despite external pressures and influences. Authenticity is not created, it is revealed; requires us to look honestly at ourselves, the choices that we've made, the beliefs that we've embraced, and frees us to be who we are meant to be and to fulfill our life's mission. Don't allow others to convince you that your thoughts, ways, and beliefs are wrong just because they may differ from the majority, society, or whoever you may be dealing with in that moment. Don't subscribe to something just because everyone else thinks you should, just for the sake of pleasing everyone else. Be rational in your thinking AND wise enough to recognize good sound advice and guidance from those that do not have ulterior motives or stand to gain personally from a decision that you must make, that only benefits them and not you. YOUniquess and authenticity are not selfish and self-centered unless being who you are is harmful to others. Identify those traits and characteristics that are YOUnique to you in order to assess whether or not the life that you are living inspires positive change, changes someone’s life for the better, and makes tour community and the world around you better. Commit to being and becoming your best self, for you and those around you. Who are YOU committed to being? Be yourself, because everyone else is taken and remember that your YOUniqueness can be a blessing and a curse...You decide which one it will be for you!!

Romans 12:3

"Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourselves with sober judgment".

“The ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one. Letting the ego-illusion become your identity can prevent you from knowing your true self."-Wayne Dyer

Wintering: Every Season Has a Purpose

We often spend so much time praying for spring, summer, and fall that we forget that God created winter too. Not every season of life is meant for producing and some are designed for protecting, processing, and preparing. There will be moments when life forces you to slow down through grief, disappointment, illness, burnout, betrayal, unexpected change, or simply emotional exhaustion. We often label these moments as failures, regrets, or setbacks when they may actually be invitations to heal. Healing begins the moment we stop asking, Why is this happening to me?” and begin asking, “What is this season trying to teach me?”Winter isn’t the end of the story, it’s simply the season where growth happens beneath the surface. One of the greatest acts of emotional maturity is accepting that difficult seasons are a part of life not because we enjoy them, but because resisting reality often creates more suffering than the situation itself.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.”

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional, healing is intentional, and transformation is personal.” -Dr. Adrienne

Wintering: Who Is Standing Beside You?

Wintering has a way of revealing relationships and shows us who checks on us without being asked, who listens without trying to fix us, and who creates peace instead of pressure. Healing requires moments of solitude, but it also requires healthy community because none of us were designed to carry every burden alone. Pay attention to the people who bring warmth to your wintering as they are the ones who remind you that hope still exists, when your faith feels fragile. Nature teaches us that every season has purpose, and nothing blooms all year long including people and yes you too are people. Allow yourself to receive support when you need it because strength isn’t refusing help, it’s having the humility to accept it.

Galatians 6:2

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

“Surround yourself with people who don’t just ask how you are doing. Surround yourself with people who make an effort to make sure they are part of the reason you are doing so well.”

-Jennae Cecelia

Wintering: The Gift of Quiet

Many people confuse solitude with loneliness and they are not the same. Loneliness is feeling disconnected but solitude is intentionally creating space to reconnect with yourself, your purpose, and with God. We live in a world that constantly competes for our attention. Notifications, responsibilities, opinions, expectations, and noise often become so overwhelming that we lose the ability to hear our own voice and what really matters. Wintering teaches us the value of stillness and reminds us to become fully present instead of replaying yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. Sometimes clarity doesn’t come because we’re searching harder but because we finally became quiet enough to receive it. Before you fill every empty moment with distraction, think about what you might discover if you simply sit still.

Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

“Being still does not mean don't move. It means move in peace.” -E'yen A. Gardner

Wintering: Rest Is Part of the Process

Some of us have become so accustomed to surviving that we’ve forgotten how to rest. We wear exhaustion like a badge of honor, believing that slowing down somehow means we’re falling behind. What if rest is evidence of wisdom and not weakness? Wintering reminds us that recovery requires intention. Sometimes healing looks less like pushing harder and more like sleeping longer, nourishing your body, protecting your peace, saying “no” without guilt, and giving yourself permission to step away from what constantly drains you. You cannot continuously pour from an empty vessel and expect to remain whole and your body will eventually demand the rest your mind keeps postponing. Give yourself permission to pause before life forces you to.

Mark 6:31

“Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you."

– Anne Lamott

Weapons of Mass Distractions

Some weapons are not designed to wound your body but are designed to steal your focus, rob you of your peace, and delay your purpose. Often, we allow people, places, and situations into our lives that produce more frustration than joy. We continue to entertain them because we’ve become accustomed to the chaos, we convince ourselves that we can make things different, or we assume responsibility for changing what only God has the power to change. We cannot regulate another person’s emotions, heal their unresolved wounds, or carry the weight of responsibilities they refuse to carry themselves. Stop accepting assignments that God never gave you. Some people live in a perpetual state of crisis and EVERY inconvenience becomes an emergency, EVERY disagreement becomes a catastrophe, and EVERY day becomes another opportunity to recruit someone else into their emotional chaotic circus… not your monkeys, not your circus. Their emergency does not have to become your obligation. One of the greatest “Weapons of Mass Distraction” is believing that if you just love harder, sacrifice more, explain yourself better, or stay a little longer, everything will change. Sometimes the change that is needed is not in them, it’s in your willingness to establish better healthier boundaries. Every moment you spend trying to rescue people who refuse to rescue themselves is a moment you’re not investing in the purpose designed specifically for your life. Your destiny deserves your attention more than someone‘s dysfunction deserves your energy. Take inventory of the people you entertain, the places you go, the conversations you repeatedly engage in, and the situations you continue to revisit. Eagles do not waste energy arguing with turkeys, chickens, or crows. They simply rise above the turbulence, allowing the very winds that challenge others, to elevate them to greater heights. You were never created to live beneath the weight of someone else’s chaos and were created to soar above it. If you don’t intentionally control your destiny, distractions will gladly do it for you. Not everything fighting for your attention deserves access to your life so protect your peace, your purpose, and your future. Do the people in your life add value to your purpose, or are they simply another “Weapon of Mass Distraction?

1 Peter 5:8

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”

-Winston S. Churchill

Love Shouldn’t Have to Defend Itself Against Your Assumptions

Love is a choice and a decision we make intentionally, consistently, and sometimes sacrificially. Choosing love also means choosing not to let assumptions speak louder than the person you claim to love. There is a difference between inferring and assuming. To infer is to reach a conclusion based on evidence, context, and reasoning. To assume is to reach a conclusion without proof and then respond as though the conclusion has already been confirmed. Too many relationships are being damaged by people reacting to what they think was meant, instead of asking what was actually intended. You heard a tone, noticed a pause, saw a facial expression, and received a shorter text than usual. Before the other person can explain themselves, you have already created the motive, determined the meaning, assigned the offense, and delivered the verdict. That’s not communication, it’s prosecution. Love cannot flourish when someone constantly feels as though they are on trial, forced to defend themselves against conclusions formed with your feelings that you see as evidence. The art of communication is not only speaking clearly and intentionally, but is also listening carefully enough so that the other person’s words are not immediately filtered through your fears, wounds, insecurities, or past experiences. Sometimes what you heard, is not what they said and sometimes what you felt was triggered by something that happened long before the other person entered the conversation. Sometimes your assumption and interpretation says more about what you fear than it does about what they intended.

Proverbs 1:5

“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance”

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say."

— Bryant H. McGill

Ask Before You Accuse or Assume

Love is more than what we feel and is also how we listen, interpret, and respond when something does not sound or feel the way we expect or desire. Choosing love means choosing curiosity over certainty and requires that you “Ask Before You Accuse or Assume”. It’s resisting the urge to create an entire story from one sentence, one silence, one facial expression, or one shift in tone. Love is asking, “What did you mean by that?”“Can you help me understand your perspective?”“Am I hearing you correctly?”“Is this what you intended, or is this what I assumed?” Healthy love does not require mind reading and requires honest dialogue, enough patience to seek clarity before creating conflict, humility to acknowledge that your interpretation may not be the only interpretation, and the emotional maturity to allow people to explain themselves before you convict them in a courtroom that they never knew they had entered. Sometimes we punish people for meanings they never intended, motives that they never had, and conclusions that they were never given the opportunity to correct. You may hear one thing when they meant another. You reacted instead of asking, accused instead of clarifying, and created distance based on an assumption instead of creating space for a conversation. Assumptions are dangerous because they can feel like facts when they are really fears, wounds, insecurities, and past experiences filling in the current blanks. Before you react, accuse, withdraw, or retaliate, pause and ask yourself if you are responding to evidence, or responding to an assumption? Are you listening to what was actually said, or interpreting it through what someone from a past experience did? Are you seeking understanding or searching for confirmation of what you already decided to believe? Love may be a choice and so is misunderstanding. You can choose to assume the worst, or create space for the truth and not just the truth you seek. You can choose to build a case or begin a conversation and choose to be right or choose to understand. Don’t just presume, suppose, conclude, assume or accuse and instead choose to ask, listen, clarify, learn,and love.

Proverbs 18:2

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

“Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.”- Josh Billings

Love Is More Than a Feeling, It’s an Act of the Will

Agape love is more than a feeling, it’s an act of the will. It’s easy to love people when they’re agreeable, easy to love yourself when you’re succeeding, easy to love your children when they’re making choices you understand and agree with, easy to love your parents when they’re still the people you remember, and easy to love your partner when they’re meeting every expectation that you’ve created. Love isn’t tested during ease and comfortability, it’s tested when disappointment walks into the room, when expectations go unmet, when life changes people, when aging changes personalities, when pain changes behavior,and when who someone is no longer matches the version of who you wish they were. Agape love doesn’t ask whether you “feel Like” loving but asks can you decide to love regardless of what you receive in return. Agape love doesn’t mean tolerating abuse, abandoning boundaries, or remaining in harms way but means refusing to allow your character to become dependent upon someone else’s behavior. The greatest evidence of love isn’t always found in emotion and sometimes it’s found in restraint instead of retaliation, in patience instead of pressure, in grace instead of judgment, and in forgiveness instead of keeping track of perceived offenses. Love isn’t simply something you fall into and sometimes it’s something you stand in. Perhaps the greatest question isn’t whether someone else loves you enough, but whether your heart has matured enough to love with wisdom, integrity, healthy boundaries, and grace.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8

“Love is patient and kind… It keeps no record of wrongs… Love never gives up.”

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” — C.S. Lewis

The Madness of Anger

We spend so much time trying to manage anger that we often fail to understand that anger isn’t usually the first emotion we feel, but is the one that shows up after fear has been ignored, pain has gone untreated, disappointment has gone unresolved, or hurt has been silenced. Anger is deceptive and tries to convince us that the battle is with the person standing in front of us, when the real battle is often with the pain we’ve been carrying inside of us. An angry spirit doesn’t just damage relationships, it can close doors, silence opportunities, and distance the very people who were sent to help us. When left unaddressed, anger can make us say permanent things in temporary moments. It’s important to understand that anger tends to show up as a defense mechanism masking feelings of rejection, resentment, resistance, fear, frustration, grief, loss, loneliness, discomfort, despair, disappointment, and unmet expectations. Anger is the smoke, but the real issue is the fire. Healing begins the moment we stop defending our anger long enough to investigate it. Face it and stop pretending you’re “just” frustrated. Find it and identify the hurt beneath the hostility. Figure it out to understand the source so you can finally choose healing instead of reaction. Your greatest victory won’t be controlling your temperament, it will be healing the wound that keeps creating it.

Proverbs 14:29

“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but one who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

“Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our lives and we will call it fate.”

— Carl Jung

When Imagination Becomes Information: Assess Before You Assume

There is a significant difference between assessing a situation and assuming you already understand it. To assess means to pause, evaluate, ask questions, gather information, and seek clarity. To assume means to fill in the blanks without facts, and then respond as though the story you created is the truth. Assumptions are dangerous because once we convince ourselves that what we imagined is accurate, we begin defending a conclusion that may never have been correct. We jump to conclusions, take things personally, assign motives, blame others, and sometimes respond by sending emotional promissory notes with our words, making people pay for something they may not have even done. Assumptions rarely remain thoughts and show up in the form behaviors that become attitudes, accusations, arguments, and actions. We assume that other people should think like we think, feel like we feel, love like we love, communicate like we communicate, and respond the way we would respond. When they don’t, we interpret their difference as disrespect, disinterest, or disappointment. Everybody does not see life through your lens and sometimes what you have labeled as intentional, was simply an unintentional oversight. What you interpreted as rejection, may have been distraction, what you perceived as an attitude may have been exhaustion, and what you concluded was personal may have had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Making assumptions is what happens when we allow imagination to become information AND assessing removes the fear from communication. Asking questions is not an admission that you are wrong, and clarity does not require agreement. Sometimes people simply need acknowledgment that their feelings have been heard and their perspectives have been considered. Stop filling in blanks with fear, insecurity, past hurt, or overthinking. Before you react to what you think you know, take the time to assess what is actually true, not just your truth but THE truth.

Proverbs 18:13

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” —Anaïs Nin

STOP Listening to Speak

Oftentimes when communication becomes complicated, it’s because instead of people listening to hear, they’re listening to respond. Conversation can quickly become competitive when one or both individuals are more concerned with proving a point, convincing the other person, and winning the debate than they are with expressing, explaining, and engaging around their perspective, position, or point of view. When you spend your time mentally preparing your rebuttal instead of processing what the other person is saying you’ve already stopped listening, shifted from connection to competition, and communication becomes a contest. Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to talk but is creating enough space for another person to feel seen, heard, and understood even when you disagree. Understanding someone else’s perspective does not require you to abandon your own but means you value the relationship enough to seek clarity before criticism. Sometimes the most powerful response isn’t speaking at all and is asking another question, seeking clarification, or asking the person to help you understand what they mean because those are the moments that build bridges instead of barriers. People don’t always remember every word you said, but they will remember how you made them feel while talking to you. If they don’t feel that you’re a safe space for them to speak in, eventually they’ll stop sharing altogether. Relationships don’t thrive because two people always agree but because two people are willing to understand, before asking to be understood. Communication isn’t about having the last word, it’s about leaving the other person knowing their words mattered. Listening is not a pause between your words, it’s proof that you value someone else’s words. The greatest gift that you can give another person isn’t your opinion, it’s your undivided attention.

Proverbs 19:20

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”- Diogenes Laërtius

Order in the Court

Communication should not feel like an interrogation, a cross examination, or investigation. Many people don’t have communication problems, they have ego problems disguised as communication problems. Some people don’t ask questions because they want understanding but because they want to build their case and aren’t listening for clarity but are listening for ammunition. A pause becomes an opportunity to interrupt and EVERY sentence becomes something to challenge, instead of something to consider. If your goal is to win the discussions, don’t be surprised when the relationship loses. Communication is less about what comes out of your mouth and more about what enters your heart. If you’ve already decided that the other person is wrong before they finish speaking, you’ve stopped communicating and you’re simply waiting for your turn to defend your position. The strongest and loudest voice in the room isn’t always the wisest one and sometimes wisdom is found in restraint. Emotional maturity isn’t measured by how quickly you can respond but is measured by how well you can receive. Are you listening to understand or listening for the one sentence you can use to prove that you’re right? When you’re in a difficult conversation, don’t focus on being heard first and instead focus on making sure the other person feels heard. You may discover that understanding accomplishes what arguing never will. Every healthy relationship requires someone willing to listen,l not someone striving to win. Many relationships have been damaged not because people stopped talking, but because they stopped listening. Sometimes the loudest thing you say is the moment you choose to be silent long enough to truly hear someone else’s words, perspective, and concerns. If every conversation feels like a courtroom, don’t be surprised when the people you love stop taking the stand because your response may reveal your intelligence, but your ability to listen will reveal your character.

Proverbs 18:2

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion”

“It takes a great man to be a good listener. “-Calvin Coolidge

The Unknown, Unplanned, and Unexpected

There comes a point in life when you realize that your greatest blessings rarely arrive wrapped in your plans. We spend so much time trying to predict outcomes, control timelines, and protect ourselves from disappointment that we sometimes forget one important truth…faith has never been accompanied by certainty. Disappointment has a way of convincing us that what didn’t happen was all that could have happened. Failed relationships, missed opportunities, closed doors, delayed dreams encourage thoughts that we’ve missed our chance. Disappointment is not your destiny and what can feel like a setback is simply God creating space for something you could never have imagined, because your vision was blurred by your pain. The unknown can be intimidating, the unplanned can be uncomfortable, and the unexpected can be life-changing because it reminds us that what is meant for us doesn’t always arrive the way we imagined. Manifesting isn’t simply wishing for what you want. It’s becoming the person who believes they are worthy of receiving it. It’s aligning your thoughts, your choices, your faith, and your actions with the life you’re praying for. Faith is believing before you see. Manifestation is living as though what you’re believing for is already making its way to you. Don’t allow yesterday’s disappointments to become today’s limitations. What is for you may not come through the door you were watching but may arrive through a conversation you didn’t expect, a relationship you never saw coming, an opportunity you never applied for, or a season you never would have chosen. Keep preparing, believing, and growing because what God has for you, isn’t canceled by what didn’t work out. Sometimes your greatest testimony is found in the unknown, your greatest growth in the unplanned, and your greatest blessing in the unexpected. Trust the process because your story is still in progress.

Hebrews 11:1

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen”

“Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.”-Roy T. Bennett

Pruning Isn’t Punishment

Trees don’t mourn the leaves that they lose every fall and they release them because they understand what many of us struggle to accept…what appears to be loss is often preparation for new life. We spend much of our lives holding on to relationships that have expired, disappointments that still define us, guilt, fear, insecurity, resentment, and old versions of ourselves that no longer fit who you were called to be or what you were purposed to do. Sometimes the greatest act of faith isn’t holding on, but it’s in letting go. Healing isn’t always about adding something to your life but is often about releasing what has been draining it. Some people are only meant to be part of a chapter, not the entire story and some experiences served a purpose, but were never meant to hold permanency. Remember learning to ride a bicycle? At some point, someone had to let go of you. It probably felt frightening at first, but you never would have learned to balance as long as someone else was holding you up. Sometimes we keep crashing because we’re still reaching back for the hands that God already released. Letting go doesn’t mean you failed, stopped loving, or that you owe everyone or anyone an explanation. Letting go might mean that you’re trusting God enough to believe that what He removes cannot compare to what He’s prepared. When you release the trash you make room for treasure, when you release fear you make room for faith, and when you release what was, you make room for what will be. You don’t have to chase what God has already assigned to your life because the replacement isn’t being created, it’s already chosen and you simply have to make room to receive it.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

“For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning."-T. S. Eliot

Placement Matters

Sometimes the chaos in our lives isn’t because of a “generational curse” or because we’re broken, but because we’ve given the wrong people access to the right places. “Proper people placement preempts pain and problems, promoting peacefulness and positivity.”(Dr. Adrienne, 3/2/19). Not everyone belongs in your inner circle or deserves a front-row seat in your life’s theater, and the only opportunity that is meant for you, is the opportunity that is meant for you. The right people, in the right roles, at the right time can protect your peace so that it decreases the likelihood that you’ll have to recover from unnecessary pain. The wounds we spend years healing could have been prevented by healthier boundaries, better discernment, and the courage to accept that NO is an act of self-respect and is NOT a cuss word! Choose people who add to your peace and not your problems and choose places that nurture your purpose and not your dysfunction. Be aware of who will watch you but won’t applaud or promote you because proper people and proper placement won’t just change your circumstances,it can change your life. Only you know the areas of your life that need better placement of your relationships, career, friendships, and priorities.

Psalm 31:15

“My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!”

“Moving on is a choice, not a mandate”-Niharika Sah

How We Gonna Add to We?

I often hear what I consider to be unnecessary rhetoric amongst men and women contemplating relationships, dating, partnership, marriage, and commitment about who brings what to the table, typically in terms of the description of personal value and worth. We have become so busy auditioning people for our lives that we sometimes forget to ask whether we are even prepared to build something with someone else. Although I have a profound love for the artistry and music of Ledisi, I think that her song, “How You Gonna Add to Me, would be more prolific if sung, How We Gonna Add to We! Real partnership is not just about what you have, what you own, what you make, what you drive, what you wear, or how impressive you look on paper. Real partnership is about the capacity to love, listen, learn, grow, communicate, compromise be corrected, build without competing, and support without keeping score. Nobody wants anybody that sits at someone else’s table and acts entitled to the meal, that feels more like a burden than a blessing but if one is winning, shouldn’t both be winning? So is it really about who brings what to the table or should it be more about are both individuals willing to work equally as diligently to make sure they have a table, they both have a seat, and they both get to eat? A healthy relationship requires two whole people who are willing to contribute to the wellness of the relationship, not just the comfort of themselves. The goal is to build something together that has enough room for love, respect, truth, healing, partnership, and peace so it becomes about “we”, “us”, and what “we” are willing to become together. Opponents compete, teammates work together for the win!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.”

“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.”

-bell hooks

Are you Running on “E”?

There is profound joy in serving others, in giving, mentoring, caregiving, and making a difference in someone’s life. Serving becomes dangerous when it becomes the only place we know how to experience happiness. Many nurturers and helpers have unknowingly tied their self-worth to being needed and feel valuable when solving problems, rescuing others, or sacrificing themselves. What happens when no one needs you, your giving is not reciprocated, or exhaustion becomes your normal? Service should be an expression of wholeness, not a substitute for it. We cannot continuously pour into others while we remain mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally empty. The greatest acts of service emerge from people who have learned to sit with their own humanness by acknowledging loneliness, honoring the need to rest, embracing imperfections, and accepting that they deserve care too. The goal is not to stop serving but to serve from abundance rather than emptiness. The only cars that can run without gas are electric and even they need to be recharged to keep going. Stop waiting until you’re on “E” to recharge because it’s a cheaper fill up at half a tank to get back to full than when you’re on “E” and the warning light has come on! Your purpose in life is larger than what you do for others and includes who you are when no one is asking anything of you. If you ask yourself, “Am I helping because it fulfills my purpose, or because I need to feel needed? “, what would the answer be? Don’t wait until the warning light comes on to take care of yourself

Mark 6:31

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” -bell hooks

A Life Raft or a Weight?

In relationships, it’s important not to confuse attachment, history, or convenience with happiness and real emotional safety. Happiness in a relationship is not just about who makes you smile when things are easy, but is also about who helps you breathe when life gets heavy.A weight is something heavy that presses down and makes movement harder. A life raft shows up in an emergency, and helps keep you from drowning when the waters get too deep, too fast, too much. Do the people in your life that you consider to be your supporting cast, your front row sitters, your circle, and your tribe function as a life raft or a weight? When you are overwhelmed, exhausted, stretched thin, and at the end of your rope, do they help lighten the load? Do they “hold you down” as in have your back or do they pull you down as in make your load heavier? Do they offer supportive shoulders, a safe space, encouragement, accountability, prayer, presence, peace or pressure? Do they bring their issues, problems, confusion, chaos, and concerns to your already-full plate until you find yourself sinking under the weight of everybody else’s emotions? Everybody close to you, ain’t got you, is not carrying you, and some are being carried by you. Relationships require love, patience, sacrifice, and support and healthy ones should not leave one person constantly drowning while the other person keeps handing them more weight. Happiness in relationships is connected to emotional safety, reciprocity, and knowing that when life gets hard, you are not the only one rowing. Check your front row. Who helps you float, breathe, and remember that you are not alone? Who continues to pull you under while calling it love? Sometimes a relationship isn’t missing love it’s missing balance and anything that keeps sinking you, cannot also be the thing that saves you.

Mark 3:25

“And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.”

“As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.”-John Mark Green

Do Your Relationships Support Your Happiness OR Substitute For It?

One of the greatest myths about love is that another person is supposed to make us happy when they are not, but are supposed to share in a happiness that should already exist. Relationships can bring joy, companionship, intimacy, and comfort, but cannot and should not carry the impossible burden of completing what we have neglected within ourselves. When we expect a partner or person to meet every emotional need, guarantee satisfaction, and eliminate loneliness, we create expectations no human being can fulfill. Two things can exist at the same time. People can be perfectly imperfect, love can be beautifully painful, and relationships can be disappointingly fulfilling. We often confuse pleasure with happiness and acceptance means understanding that a relationship may adequately meet many of our needs without being flawless. The excitement of new love, the rush of attention, and the feeling of being desired are experiences that matter and are temporary…two things can exist at the same time. Sustained happiness requires peace, trust, shared values, mutual growth, and emotional responsibility. The healthiest relationships are not built upon dependency but upon two people who have learned that happiness is an inside job and choose to walk alongside one another even in moments where finding and maintaining your happiness may waiver, as that’s called being human. Remember that no one is happy in every moment of every moment but can maintain their joy! Love should complement your happiness, but should never become its only source.

Romans 13:10

“Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law”.

“We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Love and Happiness:Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Search for Happiness Within

If joy is the foundation, happiness becomes the experience of living from that foundation, but many of us have learned to define happiness by what we possess, who chooses us, who celebrates us, and who stays. So, who and what completes you? If your answer is another person, a title, a role, or an achievement, your happiness will always be vulnerable to circumstances beyond your control. Self-esteem is not believing you’re perfect but the ability to see the best in you that you do daily. Self-love is not believing you’ll never feel lonely but finding the strength to fill your own cup up when you do. Self-esteem and self-love are rooted in understanding that your worth is intrinsic and not earned, negotiated, or validated by others. The more we seek happiness through external approval, the more disconnected we become from ourselves. No amount of affirmation from outside can heal a person who refuses to affirm themselves. True happiness begins when we stop asking: “Who will love me enough?”and start asking: “How well do I love myself?” Life will bring pain, disappointment, loss and uncertainty, but a healthy relationship with yourself provides stability when everything else shifts. Happiness is not the absence of discomfort, it is the ability to remain connected to yourself despite it. Today, ask yourself: Who completes you? If the answer is anyone other than you, perhaps that is where the work begins. You cannot pour from a place you have never learned to nurture.

Matthew 6:22

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light”

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

-Mahatma Gandhi

Where’s Your Joy?

When is the last time you felt joy because of YOU…and with YOU? Joy is a deep emotional state tied to meaning, while happiness is often a response to what is happening around you. Happiness is moment-based and tends to show up when things go right in our lives…a win, a compliment, good news, or a breakthrough. Although happiness is a beautiful thing, it doesn’t always stay the same, because life doesn’t stay the same. Joy is different from happiness. Joy is what you build when nothing around you is guaranteed…not your relationships, finances, or career. Joy is not dependent on what is happening and is anchored in what is within you…your values, beliefs, growth, purpose, and meaning. Some people can experience trials and tribulations and still have joy, while others can have everything they want and still feel empty. Joy is not about circumstances but about connection to self, purpose, and something deeper than the moment. Joy was never meant to be given to you by life’s experiences and expectations, but is built within you. When was the last time you felt joy that came from YOU and not from what was happening around you?

Psalm 16:9

“Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.”

“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.”-Carlos Santana

Should’ve, Could’ve, Would’ve…The Language of Regret!

I encounter at least one individual each day that I am charged with reminding that “where you’re from, who raised you, and what you’ve been through only becomes your final destination if you allow it to.” If who you are “being and becoming” is not who you desire to be, the only person capable of and responsible for creating that change, is you. Life is not about living in the regrets of what we did or didn’t do, where we went or didn’t go, what we gained or lost, or trying to reclaim what time has already taken. The past is a place of reference, not residence so learn from it, but don’t build the rest of your life there. Sometimes life’s greatest disappointments become its greatest teachers. Don’t be afraid of losing people who never felt fortunate to have you because healthy relationships don’t require you to prove your worth and will recognize it. If you love someone, let them know, if you miss someone, tell them, and if you’re not aligned with them, release them. Stay loyal to your values, faithful to your character, and true to yourself. Tomorrow is never promised, and unspoken words often become avoidable regrets. Review your circumstances, choices, changes, chances, and conditions. Who surrounds you?Who supports you? Who supplies you? Who submerges you? Who subtracts from you? Not every ending is a failure, and not every closed door is a loss. If something isn’t meant to be, don’t force it. If an opportunity is meant for you, trust that your preparation will meet it at the right time. We are all WIPs-Works In Progress. Make sure that each moment of every day is spent becoming a better version of your former self. Leave the past you in the past, embrace the lessons it taught you, and move confidently toward the person you’re still becoming because your better days don’t lie behind you, they’re ahead of you!

Isiaiah 43:18-19

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”

“Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” -Don Miguel Ruiz

Change That Lasts

Change is not a one-time event and is a process, a decision, a surrender, and sometimes, a HOLY disruption. Real change does not begin JUST because somebody pressured, shamed, manipulated or coerced you. Change requires conviction and may occur because of a consequence that may not result in a sustainable change. We change when we learn enough to want something different, believe that something different is possible, hurt enough to admit something has to shift, and surrender enough to allow God to do the work in us. Some people do not change because they do not recognize the need for them to change. Some people do not change because the change challenges their belief system, they’re afraid, they’re prideful, they’re procrastinators, they’re rebellious, and they’d rather remain in familiar dysfunction rather than become uncomfortable in growth. Change requires awareness and you cannot heal what you refuse to feel, correct what you continue to make excuses for, or grow while blaming everybody else for your choices, circumstances, and conclusions.

I Corinthians 13:11

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”— George Bernard Shaw

Revelation Requires Revolution

Change requires self-reflection and honesty. You must ask yourself: what in me needs to change, do I really want the change, and am I willing to work towards change or just wish for it? Real change starts from the inside out and is shaped by what you read, who you listen to, the people you allow to influence you, the experiences you learn from, and your spirit filled revelations. A true revelation should produce a revolution in you. Stop waiting for change to happen and decide to participate in your own transformation. You cannot become who you are called to be while refusing to release who you have become. Change will LIKELY involve stress, stretching, solitude, snags, and stumps. God may allow you to experience seasons that feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and unwanted but His presence surrounds you and His promise has not failed you.

Psalm 51:10

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional, healing is intentional, and transformation is personal.”—Dr. Adrienne

Your Same Will Never Be Different

You will not become different simply because sand passes through the hour glass. 5, 10, or 20 years can pass and you may be the same person doing the same people and places and subscribing to the same principles unless you are intentional about what you hear, what you see, what you speak, what experiences you learn from, and how deeply you allow God’s revelations to correct you. Change occurs when your agenda, attitude, and actions begin to align with who God is calling you to become. Don’t expect change to miraculously appear as you do the SAME things, people, and places that you always have. Pray through change, participate in change, practice the change, and grow through the change.

I Corinthians 15:33

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” -Barack Obama

Love Should NEVER Be a One-Person Job

One of the greatest relationship mistakes people make is confusing commitment with carrying the entire weight of the relationship. A healthy relationship requires reciprocity and will NEVER be perfect, should not involve scorekeeping, and unfortunately will NOT be a constant 50/50 split. There will be seasons when one person gives more because life demands it. Illness, grief, career transitions, family obligations, and personal struggles can and will temporarily shift the balance. When imbalance becomes the permanent pattern, resentment can become the unwelcome sidepiece in the relationship When both people are invested in the well-being of the connection, the relationship can thrive. One person should not always be the initiator, communicator, planner, forgiver, encourager, problem solver, and emotional caretaker. Eventually, the person doing all the giving begins to feel less like a partner, and more like an employee working an unpaid overtime shift.

1 Corinthians 13:4

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.”

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu

When They MISS You

Some people come into your life confused about their own lives, lessons, and legacy yet you expect them to add identification, validation, authentication and confirmation to yours! There have been individuals that have come into your life that have MISSled, MISSmanaged, MISSgoverned, MISStreated, MISShandled, MISSunderstood, and MISSused you. There have been individuals that MISSED your anointing, appointments, and assignments because they never understood your invitations, investments, or involvements. They will never understand your designation, deputation, or delegation because they have MISSunderstood your reputation, representation, distinction, and notability. Not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay and for some by the time that they realize the blessing that you were intended to be in their life, the ship will have sailed, the train will has departed the, the flight will lifted off and they will have MISSED you! If the time should come for someone that missed you when they had a chance, to desire a second chance with you because they realize that they miss you, feel free to them that they can, “MISS me with that” as you permanently seal an already closed door!

2 Corinthians 6:14

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

"Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them." —William Arthur Ward